Happy Fathers Day

There are many ways to measure success, not the least of which is the way your children describe you when talking to a friend. - Author Unknown

This week like every other 3rd week of June that I remember, fathers are in the news. Celebrities and presidents are speaking of memories of their dads or the importance of being a good father. I pay attention. I'm not saying that I don't also pay attention to Mother's Day. Mothers get plenty of attention and rightfully so. Seems like there are many more good mothers (including my own) than there are good fathers so in addition to a day set aside to appreciate us, we also get reminders and lectures on the importance of being a good one.

I had a good one.

I want to make sure he knows because now that I am a father of three teens, I'm constantly asking the question of myself. Am I doing a good job? Will they recover from my mistakes? Am I a good role model? Always questions! So although I don't yet have the answers on how I am doing as a father, I wanted to provide some answers to him.

He showed me that just simply "being there" for your kids was important. He made it to all teachers meetings, plays, concerts, sporting events, and even put in the required coaching duties

I know that racism is wrong because of my dad. He came from the segregated south and when I was 8 we were visiting his home town and we went to the public pool for a swim on a hot sticky summer afternoon. The pool was surrounded by chain link and as all of us white children were enjoying the cool water, dozens of sweaty black children hung on the fence and stared at us. I asked my dad why they weren't swimming and he explained that they weren't allowed and that the law was wrong and people were stupid and we left.

I know how to work because of my dad. After a few decades of white collar work, he took an early retirement to move to Minnesota to be by my mom's parents. The idea was to get another job suited to his talents and management skills for the last ten years of his career. The December after they moved I went out to visit and watched him pump gas in the minus 20 degree wind chill. Jobs he was looking for were slow in coming so instead sitting and waiting and whining he worked at the local gas station until an administrative position opened up at the local college.

I want to contribute to make the world better because of my dad. After he finally retired he volunteered to work with kids in the school system. Most of the grandparent volunteers wanted to work with the younger elementary children, but dad volunteered in the middle school for over ten years. He received a Volunteer of the Year award and today hundreds and hundreds of kids(and now adults) call him grandpa in addition to his own 7 grand kids.

So Dad...just in case you didn't already know this...you are a good dad and I'm proud to be your son. I hope I live up to your example. Love, Jim

Paradise with a Price

For 3 months a year, I live in paradise. It's easy to forget that when it is still snowing in mid-June.

I went for a walk this morning while most were still sleeping (always the best time of the day) and even after 6 years here I am still amazed by the beauty around me. Every direction could be a post card. From now until mid September the temperatures will seldom get above 80. Humidity and bugs are practically non-existent. When storms roll through they are dramatic and exciting (thunder in stereo) and are quickly followed by blue skies and fresh mornings. The air is invisible as it should be. Water is plentiful and pure.

And there's the people! Summit County is the fittest county in Colorado. Colorado is the fittest state in the nation. And there are no age limits. I've climbed mountains and found 7 year old girls with their 70 year old grandfathers already at the top when I arrived. Sharing the ski slopes with 80 year olds is common. In my experience, healthy people are happy people and happy people are great neighbors.

Recreation? Most cars are equipped with racks that carry bikes, skis, canoes, snowboards, and kayaks. If their toys are too big they have a trailer to pull the snow mobiles, 4 wheelers, sailboats and rafts. If that's too much activity for your weekend, then choose among several festivals that are held every single weekend in the summer. What interests you? Jazz? Film? Wine? Art? BarBQ? There's a festival you can walk to that people come to from all over the country.

I live in paradise...for 3 months a year.

Quotes to live by

I've been doing some deep cleaning in the house. Very deep cleaning. Every photo and every knicknac is studied and either organized, given away or tossed out. Yesterday I found a handful of 3 by 5 cards with various quotes written on them. I started writing down quotes in 1978 and it looks like I wrote the last one in 1995. I remember writing down quotes that supported my own philosophy...quotes that made an impression. I wrote them down and even had many of them memorized (back when I could remember anything)

Very often when you get a chance to revisit the past and you are introduced to who you used to be, you don't always recognize that person. People change, ideas evolve, truths expand. And although I have changed and hopefully grown over the past 30 years, I discovered that I like these sayings and recognize their truth as much as I originally did. I don't think I intended to collect quotes that were so similar to each other but now I can see that there is a definite theme running through them. Perhaps among them is my own philosophy of life that these wise men and women have expressed much better than I ever could. Here they are.

The purpose of life, after all, is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience. - Eleanor Roosevelt

There is only one success... to be able to spend your life in your own way.

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler. - Henry David Thoreau

Live each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each. Henry David Thoreau

That man is the richest whose pleasures are the cheapest. Henry David Thoreau

The determined man finds a way, the other finds an excuse.

Everything can be taken from man but one thing, the last of human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances - to choose ones own way. Dr. Victor Frankl

Success is a journey, not a destination. We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails.

I finally figured out that the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it. - Rita Mae Brown

Change occurs when we take responsibility for our own thoughts, decisions and actions. - C. Palladino

The search for happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness. - Eric Hoffer

There is more to lfe than increasing its speed. - Mahatma Gandhi

Death is not the enemy; living in constant fear of it is. - Norman Cousins

A man may fail many times, but he isn't a failure until he blames someone else.

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to ones courage. - Anais Nin

People do not lack strength, they lack will. - Victor Hugo

Action is eloquence - Shakespere

It is only those who do nothing that make no mistakes. - Joseph Conrad

It is not only what we do but what we do not do for which we are accountable. - Moliere

Go as far as you can see, and when you get there you will see farther. - Orison Sweet Marden

You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call failure is not the falling down, but the staying down. - Mary Pickford

And finally here is the quote that started it all. I actually memorized this in high school. It's still my favorite.

It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiently, who errs and comes up short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement; and who, at the worst, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat. - Theodore Roosevelt

You Must Pay The Rent!

"You Must Pay The Rent!"

Imagine me saying that line with a top hat, a cape, and a skinny waxed mustache. That's how I picture myself everytime I have to collect delinquent rent from my tenants. I don't enjoy it. I put it off as long as possible hoping the check will be in the next days mail. But in nearly 20 years of doing it, I must admit it has gotten easier. And that's a good thing because there is a whole lot of rent that's not getting paid these days.

One of my first (and worst) situations was trying to get money from a Chester Fried Chicken franchisee in one my food courts. The guy was retired after a career in the Army where he ran NCO clubs. He thought he had the skills to manage a small fast food franchise and he sunk his entire life savings ...against his wifes vehement protests...into this venture. He was already circling the drain before I got to the mall and became his landlord and nothing I could do was going to save him. He was going out of business and my orders from corporate were to get as much money as possible from him to settle his debt. He and I and our attorneys met in a conference room and the guy was literally in tears. He said he lost everything and his wife wasn't even speaking to him. And although I personally would have let him off the hook, I had to ask him for more money. He would make an offer and I'd step out of the room to call my boss and come back in and have to say "not good enough". At the end I only ended up with about twenty percent of what he owed but it took most of what he had left and we even made him sell his van to give us another couple thousand. When he left I could tell that facing me was nothing compared to what he was going to face when he got home.

It was an ugly experience but I definitely learned something from it. It's easier to collect rent if people think you are a son of a bitch. Word got around the mall that the new mall manager took a guys van and made him cry. For three years in a row after that I received the annual award for having the lowest collection balances in the company.

When I switched jobs, rent collection was still an important part of the job description. We had a Christmas store that was always struggling with rent, but I knew that the guy lived in a nice home, drove a nice car, and was frequently in the society pages, so I didn't feel that bad for him. I ended up suing him and he showed up in court with a cashiers check for the entire $30,000 that he owed. It was strange since he had been claiming poverty just the day before but I had my money and didn't question it ...until the police questioned me 6 weeks later.

Turns out that Mr. Christmas was also the president of the local charter school and he had embezzled from them to pay me. We returned the money to the school and evicted Mr. Christmas, who is still in jail as I write this. The story made the paper of course, which was fine with me. Because now my tenants know that there was a guy who would rather go to jail than owe me money. You don't have to be a son of a bitch but sometimes it doesn't hurt if people think you are!

He Could Have Been an Idol

Seems I've been making several apologies lately for decades old wrongs I've committed. Now my old friend Troy wants one too.

We were discussing American Idol last week and he insisted that he could have been a singing star if I hadn't crushed his dream in 1981. I won't say that he has an inflated opinion of his talents because that would just be being cruel to him all over again. And besides, I'm no singing judge. Maybe Simon would have loved him.

Anyway here's my confession...

I lived with Troy in an awful single wide trailer just off campus. I don't remember the details but apparently there was a college sponsored talent contest coming up and Troy had entered it to sing. He was in the trailer alone and I was coming home with a date. As soon as we were within 50 feet of the trailer we heard the verses of "Endless Love" and they weren't coming from the stereo.

We started laughing until I put a finger to my lips and we tip toed up the steps and looked through the window. Troy was laying on the couch. He had his eyes closed and one finger in his ear (I don't know why) and he was singing his heart out. He was singing from the bottom of his diaphragm.

Two hearts,
Two hearts that beat as one,
Our lives have just begun.

We watched for about half a minute until we couldn't take it anymore and threw the door open and started singing with him. He jumped up and started stammering an explanation but I couldn't hear it because I was literally on the floor laughing. Now understand...there was nothing wrong with his singing. He wasn't bad, but the situation begged for some teasing. Sure...it sounds mean now but we were college roommates and that's what guys do. If he wanted emotional support he should have joined a sorority.

So I ribbed him for a couple of days and he didn't enter the contest. This week he finally pointed out that I probably wrecked his singing career by mocking him. So here you go Troy....I am sorry. When my daughter gets married, I want you to sing Endless Love at her wedding.

There...anyone else need an apology?


Troy Stout could have been the 1st Clay Aiken if I hadn't interfered.

The Torch is Passed

I'm pretty sure that physical competiton is mostly a father/son thing. I don't see many mother/daughter pairings wrestling on the floor. But men wrestle with their sons from a young age. For many years its just play. You keep it close and make it look like your son is getting the better of you before you turn him over and tickle him. Later when they are 12 or 13, you can still beat them but you have to put a lot more effort into it than you used to. For a couple of years I've had to fight dirty to beat Noah, but my 17 year domination ended this Sunday.

He had just beat me (easily) in 2 straight games of chess. To get my mojo back, I started rough housing with him. Right away I could tell that this time was different. I'm not sure if he is stronger or I am weaker, but it's probably a combination of both. The struggle wasn't going my way and I actually worried about getting hurt so I surrendered and crowned the new champion. I'm not going to wrestle him again...the rivalry is over.

He can wear the crown for about thirty years...then my grandson is going to kick his butt!

Man

Since I seem to be in a bit of a writing slump, I decided to post an article I like about what defines a man. Not saying I have all of these qualities but it's something to strive for!

By Tom Chiarella

A man carries cash.
A man looks out for those around him -- woman, friend, stranger.
A man can cook eggs.
A man can always find something good to watch on television.
A man makes things -- a rock wall, a table, the tuition money.
Or he rebuilds -- engines, watches, fortunes.
He passes along expertise, one man to the next.
A man fantasizes that kung fu lives deep inside him somewhere.
A man is good at his job. Not his work, not his avocation, not his hobby. Not his career. His job. It doesn't matter what his job is, because if a man doesn't like his job, he gets a new one.
A man can speak to dogs.
A man listens, and that's how he argues. He crafts opinions. He can pound the table, take the floor. It's not that he must. It's that he can.
A man can look you up and down and figure some things out. Before you say a word, he makes you. From your suitcase, from your watch, from your posture. A man infers.

A man owns up. That's why Mark McGwire is not a man. A man grasps his mistakes. He lays claim to who he is, and what he was, whether he likes them or not.
Some mistakes, though, he lets pass if no one notices. Like dropping the steak in the dirt.

A man can tell you he was wrong. That he did wrong. That he planned to. He can tell you when he is lost. He can apologize, even if sometimes it's just to put an end to the bickering.

A man does not wither at the thought of dancing. But it is generally to be avoided.

A man loves the human body, the revelation of nakedness. He loves the sight of the pale bosom, the physics of the human skeleton, the alternating current of the flesh. He is thrilled by the wrist and the sight of a bare shoulder. He likes the crease of a bent knee.

Maybe he never has, and maybe he never will, but a man figures he can knock someone, somewhere, on his bottom.

A man doesn't point out that he did the dishes.
A man knows how to ridicule.
A man gets the door. Without thinking.
A man knows how to lose an afternoon. Playing video games, driving aimlessly, shooting pool.
He knows how to lose a month, also.
A man welcomes the coming of age. It frees him. It allows him to assume the upper hand and teaches him when to step aside.
He understands the basic mechanics of the planet. Or he can close one eye, look up at the sun, and tell you what time of day it is. Or where north is. He can tell you where you might find something to eat or where the fish run. He understands electricity or the internal-combustion engine, the mechanics of flight or how to figure a pitcher's ERA.
A man does not know everything. He doesn't try. He likes what other men know.
A man knows his tools and how to use them -- just the ones he needs. Knows which saw is for what, how to find the stud, when to use galvanized nails.
A miter saw, incidentally, is the kind that sits on a table, has a circular blade, and is used for cutting at precise angles. Very satisfying saw.

He does not rely on rationalizations or explanations. He doesn't winnow, winnow, winnow until truths can be humbly categorized, or intellectualized, until behavior can be written off with an explanation. He doesn't see himself lost in some great maw of humanity, some grand sweep. That's the liberal thread; it's why men won't line up as liberals.

A man resists formulations, questions belief, embraces ambiguity without making a fetish out of it. A man revisits his beliefs. Continually. That's why men won't line up with conservatives, either.

A man is comfortable being alone. Loves being alone, actually. He sleeps.
Or he stands watch. He interrupts trouble. This is the state policeman. This is the poet. Men, both of them.
A man loves driving alone most of all.
A man watches. Sometimes he goes and sits at an auction knowing he won't spend a dime, witnessing the temptation and the maneuvering of others. Sometimes he stands on the street corner watching stuff. This is not about quietude so much as collection. It is not about meditation so much as considering. A man refracts his vision and gains acuity. This serves him in every way. No one taught him this -- to be quiet, to cipher, to watch. In this way, in these moments, the man is like a zoo animal: both captive and free. You cannot take your eyes off a man when he is like that. You shouldn't. Who knows what he is thinking, who he is, or what he will do next.