Quotes to live by

I've been doing some deep cleaning in the house. Very deep cleaning. Every photo and every knicknac is studied and either organized, given away or tossed out. Yesterday I found a handful of 3 by 5 cards with various quotes written on them. I started writing down quotes in 1978 and it looks like I wrote the last one in 1995. I remember writing down quotes that supported my own philosophy...quotes that made an impression. I wrote them down and even had many of them memorized (back when I could remember anything)

Very often when you get a chance to revisit the past and you are introduced to who you used to be, you don't always recognize that person. People change, ideas evolve, truths expand. And although I have changed and hopefully grown over the past 30 years, I discovered that I like these sayings and recognize their truth as much as I originally did. I don't think I intended to collect quotes that were so similar to each other but now I can see that there is a definite theme running through them. Perhaps among them is my own philosophy of life that these wise men and women have expressed much better than I ever could. Here they are.

The purpose of life, after all, is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience. - Eleanor Roosevelt

There is only one success... to be able to spend your life in your own way.

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler. - Henry David Thoreau

Live each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each. Henry David Thoreau

That man is the richest whose pleasures are the cheapest. Henry David Thoreau

The determined man finds a way, the other finds an excuse.

Everything can be taken from man but one thing, the last of human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances - to choose ones own way. Dr. Victor Frankl

Success is a journey, not a destination. We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails.

I finally figured out that the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it. - Rita Mae Brown

Change occurs when we take responsibility for our own thoughts, decisions and actions. - C. Palladino

The search for happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness. - Eric Hoffer

There is more to lfe than increasing its speed. - Mahatma Gandhi

Death is not the enemy; living in constant fear of it is. - Norman Cousins

A man may fail many times, but he isn't a failure until he blames someone else.

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to ones courage. - Anais Nin

People do not lack strength, they lack will. - Victor Hugo

Action is eloquence - Shakespere

It is only those who do nothing that make no mistakes. - Joseph Conrad

It is not only what we do but what we do not do for which we are accountable. - Moliere

Go as far as you can see, and when you get there you will see farther. - Orison Sweet Marden

You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call failure is not the falling down, but the staying down. - Mary Pickford

And finally here is the quote that started it all. I actually memorized this in high school. It's still my favorite.

It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiently, who errs and comes up short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement; and who, at the worst, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat. - Theodore Roosevelt

You Must Pay The Rent!

"You Must Pay The Rent!"

Imagine me saying that line with a top hat, a cape, and a skinny waxed mustache. That's how I picture myself everytime I have to collect delinquent rent from my tenants. I don't enjoy it. I put it off as long as possible hoping the check will be in the next days mail. But in nearly 20 years of doing it, I must admit it has gotten easier. And that's a good thing because there is a whole lot of rent that's not getting paid these days.

One of my first (and worst) situations was trying to get money from a Chester Fried Chicken franchisee in one my food courts. The guy was retired after a career in the Army where he ran NCO clubs. He thought he had the skills to manage a small fast food franchise and he sunk his entire life savings ...against his wifes vehement protests...into this venture. He was already circling the drain before I got to the mall and became his landlord and nothing I could do was going to save him. He was going out of business and my orders from corporate were to get as much money as possible from him to settle his debt. He and I and our attorneys met in a conference room and the guy was literally in tears. He said he lost everything and his wife wasn't even speaking to him. And although I personally would have let him off the hook, I had to ask him for more money. He would make an offer and I'd step out of the room to call my boss and come back in and have to say "not good enough". At the end I only ended up with about twenty percent of what he owed but it took most of what he had left and we even made him sell his van to give us another couple thousand. When he left I could tell that facing me was nothing compared to what he was going to face when he got home.

It was an ugly experience but I definitely learned something from it. It's easier to collect rent if people think you are a son of a bitch. Word got around the mall that the new mall manager took a guys van and made him cry. For three years in a row after that I received the annual award for having the lowest collection balances in the company.

When I switched jobs, rent collection was still an important part of the job description. We had a Christmas store that was always struggling with rent, but I knew that the guy lived in a nice home, drove a nice car, and was frequently in the society pages, so I didn't feel that bad for him. I ended up suing him and he showed up in court with a cashiers check for the entire $30,000 that he owed. It was strange since he had been claiming poverty just the day before but I had my money and didn't question it ...until the police questioned me 6 weeks later.

Turns out that Mr. Christmas was also the president of the local charter school and he had embezzled from them to pay me. We returned the money to the school and evicted Mr. Christmas, who is still in jail as I write this. The story made the paper of course, which was fine with me. Because now my tenants know that there was a guy who would rather go to jail than owe me money. You don't have to be a son of a bitch but sometimes it doesn't hurt if people think you are!

He Could Have Been an Idol

Seems I've been making several apologies lately for decades old wrongs I've committed. Now my old friend Troy wants one too.

We were discussing American Idol last week and he insisted that he could have been a singing star if I hadn't crushed his dream in 1981. I won't say that he has an inflated opinion of his talents because that would just be being cruel to him all over again. And besides, I'm no singing judge. Maybe Simon would have loved him.

Anyway here's my confession...

I lived with Troy in an awful single wide trailer just off campus. I don't remember the details but apparently there was a college sponsored talent contest coming up and Troy had entered it to sing. He was in the trailer alone and I was coming home with a date. As soon as we were within 50 feet of the trailer we heard the verses of "Endless Love" and they weren't coming from the stereo.

We started laughing until I put a finger to my lips and we tip toed up the steps and looked through the window. Troy was laying on the couch. He had his eyes closed and one finger in his ear (I don't know why) and he was singing his heart out. He was singing from the bottom of his diaphragm.

Two hearts,
Two hearts that beat as one,
Our lives have just begun.

We watched for about half a minute until we couldn't take it anymore and threw the door open and started singing with him. He jumped up and started stammering an explanation but I couldn't hear it because I was literally on the floor laughing. Now understand...there was nothing wrong with his singing. He wasn't bad, but the situation begged for some teasing. Sure...it sounds mean now but we were college roommates and that's what guys do. If he wanted emotional support he should have joined a sorority.

So I ribbed him for a couple of days and he didn't enter the contest. This week he finally pointed out that I probably wrecked his singing career by mocking him. So here you go Troy....I am sorry. When my daughter gets married, I want you to sing Endless Love at her wedding.

There...anyone else need an apology?


Troy Stout could have been the 1st Clay Aiken if I hadn't interfered.

The Torch is Passed

I'm pretty sure that physical competiton is mostly a father/son thing. I don't see many mother/daughter pairings wrestling on the floor. But men wrestle with their sons from a young age. For many years its just play. You keep it close and make it look like your son is getting the better of you before you turn him over and tickle him. Later when they are 12 or 13, you can still beat them but you have to put a lot more effort into it than you used to. For a couple of years I've had to fight dirty to beat Noah, but my 17 year domination ended this Sunday.

He had just beat me (easily) in 2 straight games of chess. To get my mojo back, I started rough housing with him. Right away I could tell that this time was different. I'm not sure if he is stronger or I am weaker, but it's probably a combination of both. The struggle wasn't going my way and I actually worried about getting hurt so I surrendered and crowned the new champion. I'm not going to wrestle him again...the rivalry is over.

He can wear the crown for about thirty years...then my grandson is going to kick his butt!

Man

Since I seem to be in a bit of a writing slump, I decided to post an article I like about what defines a man. Not saying I have all of these qualities but it's something to strive for!

By Tom Chiarella

A man carries cash.
A man looks out for those around him -- woman, friend, stranger.
A man can cook eggs.
A man can always find something good to watch on television.
A man makes things -- a rock wall, a table, the tuition money.
Or he rebuilds -- engines, watches, fortunes.
He passes along expertise, one man to the next.
A man fantasizes that kung fu lives deep inside him somewhere.
A man is good at his job. Not his work, not his avocation, not his hobby. Not his career. His job. It doesn't matter what his job is, because if a man doesn't like his job, he gets a new one.
A man can speak to dogs.
A man listens, and that's how he argues. He crafts opinions. He can pound the table, take the floor. It's not that he must. It's that he can.
A man can look you up and down and figure some things out. Before you say a word, he makes you. From your suitcase, from your watch, from your posture. A man infers.

A man owns up. That's why Mark McGwire is not a man. A man grasps his mistakes. He lays claim to who he is, and what he was, whether he likes them or not.
Some mistakes, though, he lets pass if no one notices. Like dropping the steak in the dirt.

A man can tell you he was wrong. That he did wrong. That he planned to. He can tell you when he is lost. He can apologize, even if sometimes it's just to put an end to the bickering.

A man does not wither at the thought of dancing. But it is generally to be avoided.

A man loves the human body, the revelation of nakedness. He loves the sight of the pale bosom, the physics of the human skeleton, the alternating current of the flesh. He is thrilled by the wrist and the sight of a bare shoulder. He likes the crease of a bent knee.

Maybe he never has, and maybe he never will, but a man figures he can knock someone, somewhere, on his bottom.

A man doesn't point out that he did the dishes.
A man knows how to ridicule.
A man gets the door. Without thinking.
A man knows how to lose an afternoon. Playing video games, driving aimlessly, shooting pool.
He knows how to lose a month, also.
A man welcomes the coming of age. It frees him. It allows him to assume the upper hand and teaches him when to step aside.
He understands the basic mechanics of the planet. Or he can close one eye, look up at the sun, and tell you what time of day it is. Or where north is. He can tell you where you might find something to eat or where the fish run. He understands electricity or the internal-combustion engine, the mechanics of flight or how to figure a pitcher's ERA.
A man does not know everything. He doesn't try. He likes what other men know.
A man knows his tools and how to use them -- just the ones he needs. Knows which saw is for what, how to find the stud, when to use galvanized nails.
A miter saw, incidentally, is the kind that sits on a table, has a circular blade, and is used for cutting at precise angles. Very satisfying saw.

He does not rely on rationalizations or explanations. He doesn't winnow, winnow, winnow until truths can be humbly categorized, or intellectualized, until behavior can be written off with an explanation. He doesn't see himself lost in some great maw of humanity, some grand sweep. That's the liberal thread; it's why men won't line up as liberals.

A man resists formulations, questions belief, embraces ambiguity without making a fetish out of it. A man revisits his beliefs. Continually. That's why men won't line up with conservatives, either.

A man is comfortable being alone. Loves being alone, actually. He sleeps.
Or he stands watch. He interrupts trouble. This is the state policeman. This is the poet. Men, both of them.
A man loves driving alone most of all.
A man watches. Sometimes he goes and sits at an auction knowing he won't spend a dime, witnessing the temptation and the maneuvering of others. Sometimes he stands on the street corner watching stuff. This is not about quietude so much as collection. It is not about meditation so much as considering. A man refracts his vision and gains acuity. This serves him in every way. No one taught him this -- to be quiet, to cipher, to watch. In this way, in these moments, the man is like a zoo animal: both captive and free. You cannot take your eyes off a man when he is like that. You shouldn't. Who knows what he is thinking, who he is, or what he will do next.

Cheapest Hotel

The most expensive part of travel is usually the over night accommodations. We'd all like to stay at the 5 star resorts, but the budget won't allow it. To travel less expensively, you stay at Super 8 or Motel 6. Is money really tight? Then you'll be rolling into the KOA's.

But what if you've decided to see the whole country in 2 months for $150?

The first night of our hitchhiking adventure, Chuck and I slept under a juniper tree outside of Flagstaff, AZ. It was far enough away from the road to not be seen by traffic, and since we had no tent, the tree offered a little protection from the elements. We wanted to travel as light as possible and being 21 we figured we were tough enough to make do with just sleeping bags. By the next night we had only made it as far as Winslow, AZ and splurged on a box of granola bars before camping under a picnic table at a rest stop. Trust me, an April night in Arizona is not warm and we awoke feeling a little cranky about our adventure thus far.

But as our 3rd day warmed up our fortunes improved and we hit the jackpot when a quiet cowboy in a silver truck took us all the way to Oklahoma City. He was tired but couldn't stop for sleep so he picked us up to help him drive. It was dawn when Cowboy let us out and that's when we discovered the accommodations that we used for the rest of our time on the road. We were at a major interchange with several overpasses and men were emerging from the concrete. We couldn't see where they were coming from...it looked like they were just sinking through the road above. They were walking and sliding down to the road below. When the last of them left we climbed up and found this...


...about three feet of warm, safe, privacy. An they were located every few miles all over the country. No reservations required. Sure, there were drawbacks. Concrete is hard. Freeways are noisy. Trucks were rolling just inches over my face. But we loved the fact that they were everywhere and we would be completely hidden while up there. Even if drivers looked for us we couldn't be seen.

We questioned the safety of our shelter just once in Nashville when I was awakened by Chucks scream. I opened my eyes in time to watch him rolling down to the road below as he fought to stop his descent with a single arm coming out of the breathing hole of his mummy sleeping bag. I probably should have been more concerned but I was laughing so hard I couldn't even find my own bags zipper so I could go down and help him. He was bruised and scraped and sore for days but the memory of it still makes both of us laugh.

So there you go. If you are on an extreme budget, I've just tipped you off to the cheapest hotel I know of. 26 years have passed and I still look under the over passes nearly everyday to see who knows the secret.

Pay Cut? No Problem!

As unemployment in our country rises above 8%, my own employer continues to make tough decisions. We had another round of lay-offs this week and each cut seems to get harder and harder on everybody. Three months ago, my division of the company had about 100 employees. Today we are less than 70.

This time we all knew what was going on and we knew the risks of being called to the bosses office. My meeting was as at 8:00 and I was told that my salary was getting cut by 5%. I said, “Thank-you, very much.”

All morning people gathered in huddles quietly discussing events. No one could show too much relief because no one had any idea who survived and who didn’t. When making eye contact with someone in the copy room, one person would just lift a wondering eyebrow and the other would respond with a nod. Then you knew you were safe to talk about it and show relief that you weren't going home.

It wasn't completely surprising to anybody. We're in an industry that represents good times and economic health. People are going to cut their ski vacation from the budget before they stop buying socks, milk, or cable TV. It’s actually remarkable and a testament to good management that we haven’t had deeper cuts. During the good times of the past few years we were actually paying down debt instead of acquiring more. I heard one ski resort closed last month…right at peak season. Rumor has it that other companies are obtaining last minute financing to keep from going under.

We could be in much worse shape, but that doesn’t make it any easier to see your friends lose their jobs. Friends with families and mortgages just like me. People with talent and skills and loyalty. After the cuts were final we had a “survivors meeting” and the VP that had to deliver the news to the victims could barely get through it with out choking up. He made the points that the economy was terrible and we had to reduce cost while trying to preserve as many jobs as we could and there were no guarantees that the layoffs were over. In order to preserve as many jobs as possible, everyone had their wages cut and the CEO would take no salary at all this year. I hope its enough to get through until the economy turns around.

Actually I hope it's enough to get through another 3 years until my youngest leaves home. Then I don't need a job or a mortgage. I just haven't decided yet if I'm moving into Todd's basement or Troy's boat. (they think I'm kidding)