I've always wished I'd been more musical, but the talent was just never introduced into my DNA. When I had kids, I did what many parents do and tried to encourage them to take music lessons with the hope that something would stick. It would be a shame for the world to lose out on the next Mozart because his parents never put him in front of a piano.
So when Samantha was 8 or 9 we decided to give her piano lessons. She was mildly enthusiastic about it at first but lost interest after awhile and it was difficult to force her to practice. Finally I told her she could quit as soon as she learned to play Greensleeves for me. The song has always moved me ever since I was a child and heard it in a movie. She said she'd do it, but eventually the lessons stopped without her fulfilling her end of the bargain.
This year she warned us all that she had no money and her Christmas gifts would be extremely inexpensive which I thought was a good idea. On Christmas morning after all of the gifts were exchanged she went out to her car and brought in a guitar and sat beside me on the sofa and played Greensleeves for me. I had tears in my eyes as I hugged her for the beautiful gift.
Thank-you honey, I love it!
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Really Very Stupid Things
The following incidents may or may not have happened but I will not admit to doing any of them.
tubing with no life jacket in a flood swollen river, contest to see who could hold a lit firecracker the longest, playing chicken head-on on bikes to see who would swerve first, tying brother backwards to a tricycle and pushing him down a hill, poking jailed drunks with a sharp stick, rolling bowling balls down the highway at 60 miles an hour, walking across steel beams 8 stories high, tubing down hill with barbed wire fence at the bottom, tying brother upside down in a tree, waking up at 70 miles an hour and 70 feet off the freeway, trying to knock each other off speeding snowmobiles, teach brother to yell "jack ass" at the mean neighbor lady, cementing the neighbors doors and windows shut, spending two hours at the top of a tree while the girl that someone called a cow tries to knock you down with rocks, folding my brother into a sleeper sofa, launching bottle rockets from the car, streaking, contest to see who could hold onto electric fence the longest, throwing knives at brothers feet, reasoning that the lakes thin ice will hold if you just drive snowmobile fast enough, getting into a car with drunk hillbillies, bb gun wars, jumping bikes over friends laying lengthwise, jousting from bikes, riding on the hood of a car, riding on the highway on the top of a tall stack of hay bails in the back of a truck, training to be a stuntman by jumping out of a moving car, laughing while drill sergeant screams in your face, breaking into vacant apartments to sleep and shower, slowing down but not stopping the car when dropping brother off, contest to see who can pass the most motorhomes on bike going down mountain switchbacks, pushing fully clothed bully into swimming pool, stopping fan blade with tongue, rock fights, running through pitch black mile long tunnel with just a stick to guide you, competing in triathlons without learning to swim, car races, sleeping in cemetary, blindfolded boxing, shooting arrow straight up and dodging its return, trying to outrun a cop, blowing things up in a variety of ways, sleeping under a hedge in downtown Los Angeles, making drill sergeant remember your name by pissing him off on the 1st day of boot camp, hitchhiking at 14, wandering through a bronx ghetto at midnight, getting a ride to California with crazy man who claims to be a hit man on assignment, sleeping under freeway over passes, misreading arrival time as departure time for family trip, packing remote control instead of camera for birth of child, publishing list of really very stupid things that I may or may not have done.
tubing with no life jacket in a flood swollen river, contest to see who could hold a lit firecracker the longest, playing chicken head-on on bikes to see who would swerve first, tying brother backwards to a tricycle and pushing him down a hill, poking jailed drunks with a sharp stick, rolling bowling balls down the highway at 60 miles an hour, walking across steel beams 8 stories high, tubing down hill with barbed wire fence at the bottom, tying brother upside down in a tree, waking up at 70 miles an hour and 70 feet off the freeway, trying to knock each other off speeding snowmobiles, teach brother to yell "jack ass" at the mean neighbor lady, cementing the neighbors doors and windows shut, spending two hours at the top of a tree while the girl that someone called a cow tries to knock you down with rocks, folding my brother into a sleeper sofa, launching bottle rockets from the car, streaking, contest to see who could hold onto electric fence the longest, throwing knives at brothers feet, reasoning that the lakes thin ice will hold if you just drive snowmobile fast enough, getting into a car with drunk hillbillies, bb gun wars, jumping bikes over friends laying lengthwise, jousting from bikes, riding on the hood of a car, riding on the highway on the top of a tall stack of hay bails in the back of a truck, training to be a stuntman by jumping out of a moving car, laughing while drill sergeant screams in your face, breaking into vacant apartments to sleep and shower, slowing down but not stopping the car when dropping brother off, contest to see who can pass the most motorhomes on bike going down mountain switchbacks, pushing fully clothed bully into swimming pool, stopping fan blade with tongue, rock fights, running through pitch black mile long tunnel with just a stick to guide you, competing in triathlons without learning to swim, car races, sleeping in cemetary, blindfolded boxing, shooting arrow straight up and dodging its return, trying to outrun a cop, blowing things up in a variety of ways, sleeping under a hedge in downtown Los Angeles, making drill sergeant remember your name by pissing him off on the 1st day of boot camp, hitchhiking at 14, wandering through a bronx ghetto at midnight, getting a ride to California with crazy man who claims to be a hit man on assignment, sleeping under freeway over passes, misreading arrival time as departure time for family trip, packing remote control instead of camera for birth of child, publishing list of really very stupid things that I may or may not have done.
Friday, December 10, 2010
You are on Welfare
You are Angry.
You saw the woman in front of you buying junk food with food stamps and now you are on a rant about the welfare parasites ruining your country. You claim the solution to all of our deficit problems is to just stop the welfare.
Now please...take a breath and the mood altering pill of your choice (legally prescribed by your doctor of course) and take a look in the mirror.
Can we all agree that the definition of welfare is receiving financial assistance that you haven't earned? Are you 100% certain that you pay your own way without help from a socialist goverment? Let's take a look. I'm going to pick on Utah for one example because I know the state well, have many friends there and believe that you have one of the more fiscally prudent states in the country. But even as efficient as you are it still costs about $7,500 per pupil per year to educate your kids. So 2 kids for 13 years means that taxpayers (including you ) have spent about $180,000 to educate those two kids. Double that for four kids and triple it for six. So before I believe that the government isn't taking from others to redistribute to you, I'll need you to show me proof that you will ever pay that back in your life time. If you aren't going to pay that back then you have received financial assistance from others to educate your kids.
Your house is the same value as your neighbors, but you are paying a mortgage to a bank and your neighbor is paying rent to a landlord. You get a big interest deduction worth a couple thousand that he doesn't get. You may not consider it welfare but your neighbor probably does.
You live in a state that gets more money back from the federal government than you pay. My friends in Utah get back $1.07 for every dollar they pay. If they feel bad that in Colorado we only get $0.83 back for every dollar collected, I'll let you send me a check for the difference.
If you are 60 something, you are likely collecting some sort of welfare.
If the fire department ever responded to a fire on your property, then you have probably collected more from safer taxpayers than you will ever pay back. Your church provides you with a social safety net and they use roads and infrastructure but they don't have to pay taxes for them. If you have a college degree from a state college then you were subsidized by the taxes of the hard working masses who didn't go to school.
If you have a mortgage, if you have children, if you collect social security, unemployment, belong to a church, have gone to college, work for the government (including schools) then you are benefiting from some sort of redistribution of wealth.
So please stop whining that the single mother in the check out line in front of you bought cheetos and coke with "your money"!
You saw the woman in front of you buying junk food with food stamps and now you are on a rant about the welfare parasites ruining your country. You claim the solution to all of our deficit problems is to just stop the welfare.
Now please...take a breath and the mood altering pill of your choice (legally prescribed by your doctor of course) and take a look in the mirror.
Can we all agree that the definition of welfare is receiving financial assistance that you haven't earned? Are you 100% certain that you pay your own way without help from a socialist goverment? Let's take a look. I'm going to pick on Utah for one example because I know the state well, have many friends there and believe that you have one of the more fiscally prudent states in the country. But even as efficient as you are it still costs about $7,500 per pupil per year to educate your kids. So 2 kids for 13 years means that taxpayers (including you ) have spent about $180,000 to educate those two kids. Double that for four kids and triple it for six. So before I believe that the government isn't taking from others to redistribute to you, I'll need you to show me proof that you will ever pay that back in your life time. If you aren't going to pay that back then you have received financial assistance from others to educate your kids.
Your house is the same value as your neighbors, but you are paying a mortgage to a bank and your neighbor is paying rent to a landlord. You get a big interest deduction worth a couple thousand that he doesn't get. You may not consider it welfare but your neighbor probably does.
You live in a state that gets more money back from the federal government than you pay. My friends in Utah get back $1.07 for every dollar they pay. If they feel bad that in Colorado we only get $0.83 back for every dollar collected, I'll let you send me a check for the difference.
If you are 60 something, you are likely collecting some sort of welfare.
If the fire department ever responded to a fire on your property, then you have probably collected more from safer taxpayers than you will ever pay back. Your church provides you with a social safety net and they use roads and infrastructure but they don't have to pay taxes for them. If you have a college degree from a state college then you were subsidized by the taxes of the hard working masses who didn't go to school.
If you have a mortgage, if you have children, if you collect social security, unemployment, belong to a church, have gone to college, work for the government (including schools) then you are benefiting from some sort of redistribution of wealth.
So please stop whining that the single mother in the check out line in front of you bought cheetos and coke with "your money"!
Friday, October 8, 2010
Tasty Severance
I believe I've already blogged about the stress of firing people. No matter how much it's deserved it's never pleasant. There was one time that was almost fun though. I'd forgotten all about it until my friend Donna reminded me of it last week. She was a witness and said she still laughs about it.
Jodi was the receptionist at Twin Peaks Mall. She'd only been there a few months, but I already knew I'd made a mistake in hiring her. Her skills were fine but she was a whiner and whiners are my least favorite species. She loved being a victim and her feelings were always getting hurt and she was always pouting. The only thing I ever remember her talking about was how unfairly her husband, kids, mother, coworkers, neighbors, weatherman, and God was treating her.
Every year we would let the Girl Scouts sell cookies in the mall. Every year they would thank us with about 2 dozen boxes of cookies that I would divide up among the staff. This year Jodi handled the arrangements and was the only one in the office when the girls brought in the cookies. As the rest of the staff arrived, they reacted with excitement that it was cookie time!
Should have been a happy time for all, right? Not exactly.
I got an emergency call from my bookkeeper that morning. "Jim! She's keeping the cookies and not sharing!" Apparently Jodi had all of the cookies under her desk and was insisting that the girl scouts had given them to her and she was going to take them all home to her family. Keep in mind that this an office staff, not a 3rd grade classroom. I canceled my plans and came into the office and explained to the Cookie Monster that this was an annual tradition and the gift was for the whole staff and not just her and demanded that she turn over the thin mints. Instead of handing them over and apologizing for the misunderstanding, she stomped out of the office in tears. All terribly awkward and embarrassing but she did leave the cookies behind so we decided to console ourselves with a cookie party and I sent a security guard to the store for some milk.
Two hours went by and we were getting excited with the prospect that she might never come back when the door flew open. She was back and she brought an angry, loud, little man with her. I thought he might be some sort of hired cookie enforcer but he turned out to just be her husband. He was yelling about theft and about taking food out of the mouths of his children. I'm serious... I remember that because for a few years afterwards, whenever anyone on the staff had a disagreement with me they would joke that I was taking food out of the mouths of their children.
I demanded that he get out of my office and I had a "full of cookies and milk" security guard escort him out. I told Jodi to take the rest of the day off and be in my office at 8:00 the next morning. When she came in she started to apologize when she noticed about 20 boxes of girl scout cookies in bags that I'd bought the night before. She asked "what are they for?"
I said, "It's your severance pay. Don't come back." Some firings are easier than others!
Jodi was the receptionist at Twin Peaks Mall. She'd only been there a few months, but I already knew I'd made a mistake in hiring her. Her skills were fine but she was a whiner and whiners are my least favorite species. She loved being a victim and her feelings were always getting hurt and she was always pouting. The only thing I ever remember her talking about was how unfairly her husband, kids, mother, coworkers, neighbors, weatherman, and God was treating her.
Every year we would let the Girl Scouts sell cookies in the mall. Every year they would thank us with about 2 dozen boxes of cookies that I would divide up among the staff. This year Jodi handled the arrangements and was the only one in the office when the girls brought in the cookies. As the rest of the staff arrived, they reacted with excitement that it was cookie time!
Should have been a happy time for all, right? Not exactly.
I got an emergency call from my bookkeeper that morning. "Jim! She's keeping the cookies and not sharing!" Apparently Jodi had all of the cookies under her desk and was insisting that the girl scouts had given them to her and she was going to take them all home to her family. Keep in mind that this an office staff, not a 3rd grade classroom. I canceled my plans and came into the office and explained to the Cookie Monster that this was an annual tradition and the gift was for the whole staff and not just her and demanded that she turn over the thin mints. Instead of handing them over and apologizing for the misunderstanding, she stomped out of the office in tears. All terribly awkward and embarrassing but she did leave the cookies behind so we decided to console ourselves with a cookie party and I sent a security guard to the store for some milk.
Two hours went by and we were getting excited with the prospect that she might never come back when the door flew open. She was back and she brought an angry, loud, little man with her. I thought he might be some sort of hired cookie enforcer but he turned out to just be her husband. He was yelling about theft and about taking food out of the mouths of his children. I'm serious... I remember that because for a few years afterwards, whenever anyone on the staff had a disagreement with me they would joke that I was taking food out of the mouths of their children.
I demanded that he get out of my office and I had a "full of cookies and milk" security guard escort him out. I told Jodi to take the rest of the day off and be in my office at 8:00 the next morning. When she came in she started to apologize when she noticed about 20 boxes of girl scout cookies in bags that I'd bought the night before. She asked "what are they for?"
I said, "It's your severance pay. Don't come back." Some firings are easier than others!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
"New" Car
I just got a new car. OK...I just got a used car. I typically will run a car into the ground before I get a new one and after 7 years and 235,000 miles I almost did that with my Honda mini-van. Good car. Good, good car. I'm a sensible guy and it was a sensible vehicle. I know you only get a mini-van if you have a family but I loved my red Odyssey. I could haul bikes and skis and furniture and 6 passengers in it. I drove it through the very worst conditions and beat the crap out of it but it never let me down.
But it was time.
The catalyst was when Jonah turned 16 and I decided that it would be the perfect vehicle for him. Believe it or not, he's pretty excited about driving a mini van. Lots of room for his friends I suppose.
So now I drive a 2008 Prius. I'm a little bit of a tree hugger but mostly it was a financial decision. I commute 500 miles a week and the Prius will save me about $150/mo in gas. All of the really cool technology is just a bonus. It's got a microphone in the mirror and I can get all of my calls through the speakers. It is keyless and unlocks when I walk up to it. It tells me when it needs an oil change or when the tires are low. I know that a Prius has that tree hugger reputation but it actually makes me feel a little like James Bond. (didn't he drive a Prius?)
I'll see if I can get another 200,000 miles out of it!
Saturday, August 28, 2010
You Have To Fight Back
I had a conversation with an old friend recently and she reminded of the time I punched a guy in the face who had attempted to grope her. It was over 30 years ago and I had nearly forgotten about it but it stuck with her because it was the only time someone had ever used violence to defend her. I typically think of myself as more of a "live and let live" pacifist who sees the wisdom in walking away from a fight, but I have to admit that there is something gratifying in being remembered as a sort of Clint Eastwood defender of women!
That got me remembering even further back when fist fights were a normal part of my life when I was 12 years old. We lived on the Ft. Hall Indian Reservation in Idaho at that time. I don't know if fights were a normal part of the culture or if the Indian kids always beat up the white kids or if I was just there during a bad year but I was getting my butt kicked at least weekly. The first time it happens to you is shocking and terrifying. I didn't know what I had done to piss this guy off and when I realized that an adult wasn't going to step in and save me, I basically just tried to cover my face and begged him to stop as I got pummeled. I also wasn't aware of the playground code of no tattling and went straight to a teacher with my story. The bully was punished but the next day on the playground, so was I. I still didn't fight back and the best strategy I could come up with was to stay in the classroom during recess, but this just meant they waited for me after school. I started faking sick to avoid school and my parents got involved and we had a meeting with the principal.
Mr. Broadhead heard my story and he sympathized but at some point he looked at me and said, "You have to fight back, Jim. They'll stop coming after you if they know you can hurt them." I can't imagine an elementary school principal telling a student that today but this was 1972 and it was some of the best advice I ever received. I started taking a few swings and would connect once in awhile, but it was a month or so before I got an official "win". Robert Blackfoot punched me right in the nose and I was losing blood through both nostrils. I managed to take the fight to the ground and get on top of him but I had to hang on with both arms so I couldn't really hit him. I did manage to get in a few head butts that didn't do any real damage but the whole time I had him down, I was bleeding all over him. A lot. His face and shirt were covered in blood...my blood. When a teacher finally pulled us both up by our collars, the crowd saw a little bit of blood under my nose, but Robert was a red gooey mess! I heard the impressed gasps from everyone as we were hauled into Mr. Broadhead's office. He chewed us both out but then held me back and smiled and congratualted me. He predicted that they would start leaving me alone now.
That wasn't entirely true, but the rumor did circulate that I had nearly killed Robby Blackfoot and I did get picked on a lot less. I still had to fight occasionally and I learned that if you were fighting fair then you weren't trying very hard. My specialties were the throat punch, the eye gouge, and using my elbows as weapons. Not exactly heroic type of fighting but the object was to hurt him as quickly as possible to stop the fight before getting hurt yourself.
Fortunately, my new skills were seldom used in the past 37 years and I hope I never find myself in a situation again where a head butt is necessary. But I hope I always remember Mr. Broadhead's very good advice. Sometimes "You have to fight back."
That got me remembering even further back when fist fights were a normal part of my life when I was 12 years old. We lived on the Ft. Hall Indian Reservation in Idaho at that time. I don't know if fights were a normal part of the culture or if the Indian kids always beat up the white kids or if I was just there during a bad year but I was getting my butt kicked at least weekly. The first time it happens to you is shocking and terrifying. I didn't know what I had done to piss this guy off and when I realized that an adult wasn't going to step in and save me, I basically just tried to cover my face and begged him to stop as I got pummeled. I also wasn't aware of the playground code of no tattling and went straight to a teacher with my story. The bully was punished but the next day on the playground, so was I. I still didn't fight back and the best strategy I could come up with was to stay in the classroom during recess, but this just meant they waited for me after school. I started faking sick to avoid school and my parents got involved and we had a meeting with the principal.
Mr. Broadhead heard my story and he sympathized but at some point he looked at me and said, "You have to fight back, Jim. They'll stop coming after you if they know you can hurt them." I can't imagine an elementary school principal telling a student that today but this was 1972 and it was some of the best advice I ever received. I started taking a few swings and would connect once in awhile, but it was a month or so before I got an official "win". Robert Blackfoot punched me right in the nose and I was losing blood through both nostrils. I managed to take the fight to the ground and get on top of him but I had to hang on with both arms so I couldn't really hit him. I did manage to get in a few head butts that didn't do any real damage but the whole time I had him down, I was bleeding all over him. A lot. His face and shirt were covered in blood...my blood. When a teacher finally pulled us both up by our collars, the crowd saw a little bit of blood under my nose, but Robert was a red gooey mess! I heard the impressed gasps from everyone as we were hauled into Mr. Broadhead's office. He chewed us both out but then held me back and smiled and congratualted me. He predicted that they would start leaving me alone now.
That wasn't entirely true, but the rumor did circulate that I had nearly killed Robby Blackfoot and I did get picked on a lot less. I still had to fight occasionally and I learned that if you were fighting fair then you weren't trying very hard. My specialties were the throat punch, the eye gouge, and using my elbows as weapons. Not exactly heroic type of fighting but the object was to hurt him as quickly as possible to stop the fight before getting hurt yourself.
Fortunately, my new skills were seldom used in the past 37 years and I hope I never find myself in a situation again where a head butt is necessary. But I hope I always remember Mr. Broadhead's very good advice. Sometimes "You have to fight back."
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Beyond the Canyon Walls
At 21 I decided I was going to hitch hike around the country, and as you can imagine, this was not a popular decision with my parents. They pointed out the dangers and made me feel guilty about how much my mother would worry.
I did it anyway.
My mother said many, many prayers for me and perhaps that's why I came back safe with many stories (mostly true) about my grand adventure. But when I came back she said something that most parents say to their children that has turned out to be a curse. She said, "One day I hope your son does the same thing so that you will know how it feels."
Tomorrow, I will know what she felt but the child to fulfill this prophesy is my daughter. My Baby Girl. My Tom Boy Princess. My Little Wildflower. My 20 year old "Not a child, not quite an adult" beautiful, good hearted, hippie child.
Tomorrow she will put on a backpack and head out to explore the American West with her best friend Katie. I don't know if they'll exactly be dancing with wolves but they plan on living pretty primitively to accomodate their nearly empty budget.
Threats, logic, bribery, and promises have not dissuaded her. So as she's awed by the grandeur of the Tetons, I will be vistited by my Mother's worry from 27 years ago. As she is inspired by the beauty of Yellowstone, I'll make sure my cell phone is always charged and my gas tank is full in case she is in need of rescuing. As she is trying to stay dry and warm in her tent in Oregon, I'll be watching the weather channel at 2am. As she explores the Redwood's, San Francisco, Yosemite, Zion, Bryce, and the SoCal beaches, she'll be wearing my old Army dogtags as a talisman. But if that's not enough to protect her, I'll be relying on the kindness of strangers if my little girl needs help.
Which brings me to my next point... if any of my friends who live near any of those places have a spot on the couch and can pick up a couple of cold, hungry girls if they need it...drop me a line and let me know if I can give them your phone number. I'll owe you!
May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome,dangerous, leading to the most awesome view.May your rivers flow without end, meandering through pastoral valleys tinkling with bells, past temples and
castles and poets' towers into a dark primeval forest
where tigers belch and monkeys howl, through mysterious swamps and down into a desert of red rock, blue mesas, domes and pinnacles and grottos of endless stone, and down again into a deep vast ancient
unknown chasm where bars of sunlight blaze on profiled
cliffs, where deer walk across the white sand beaches,
where storms come and go as lightning clangs upon the
high crags, where something strange and more beautiful
and more full of wonder than your deepest dreams wait
for you - beyond the next turning of the canyon walls.
- Edward Abbey
I did it anyway.
My mother said many, many prayers for me and perhaps that's why I came back safe with many stories (mostly true) about my grand adventure. But when I came back she said something that most parents say to their children that has turned out to be a curse. She said, "One day I hope your son does the same thing so that you will know how it feels."
Tomorrow, I will know what she felt but the child to fulfill this prophesy is my daughter. My Baby Girl. My Tom Boy Princess. My Little Wildflower. My 20 year old "Not a child, not quite an adult" beautiful, good hearted, hippie child.
Tomorrow she will put on a backpack and head out to explore the American West with her best friend Katie. I don't know if they'll exactly be dancing with wolves but they plan on living pretty primitively to accomodate their nearly empty budget.
Threats, logic, bribery, and promises have not dissuaded her. So as she's awed by the grandeur of the Tetons, I will be vistited by my Mother's worry from 27 years ago. As she is inspired by the beauty of Yellowstone, I'll make sure my cell phone is always charged and my gas tank is full in case she is in need of rescuing. As she is trying to stay dry and warm in her tent in Oregon, I'll be watching the weather channel at 2am. As she explores the Redwood's, San Francisco, Yosemite, Zion, Bryce, and the SoCal beaches, she'll be wearing my old Army dogtags as a talisman. But if that's not enough to protect her, I'll be relying on the kindness of strangers if my little girl needs help.
Which brings me to my next point... if any of my friends who live near any of those places have a spot on the couch and can pick up a couple of cold, hungry girls if they need it...drop me a line and let me know if I can give them your phone number. I'll owe you!
May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome,dangerous, leading to the most awesome view.May your rivers flow without end, meandering through pastoral valleys tinkling with bells, past temples and
castles and poets' towers into a dark primeval forest
where tigers belch and monkeys howl, through mysterious swamps and down into a desert of red rock, blue mesas, domes and pinnacles and grottos of endless stone, and down again into a deep vast ancient
unknown chasm where bars of sunlight blaze on profiled
cliffs, where deer walk across the white sand beaches,
where storms come and go as lightning clangs upon the
high crags, where something strange and more beautiful
and more full of wonder than your deepest dreams wait
for you - beyond the next turning of the canyon walls.
- Edward Abbey
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
My Best Father's Day Gift
Father's Day presents come and go and I don't really remember most of the gifts that I have received over the years. There is one in particular though that the kids gave me (Jonah claims it was him) that stands out because it has had a lot of use.
They gave me a Leki collapsible walking stick about 10 years ago and I've used it for several hundred miles and I climbed 16 peaks of over 14,000 feet and several smaller ones. It's saved a lot of wear on my bad knee and last month it may have saved my life.
During our recent backpacking trip, we ended up hiking in two groups with the faster hikers in front. I was visiting with the back group and left them to catch up to my kids in the front so I was temporarily hiking alone. The two foot wide trail had risen to about 70 feet above the river when I just stepped off. I didn't stumble or trip and the trail didn't collapse. My left foot just stepped completely off the ledge. I threw myself to the right and my trusty Leki walking pole held my weight (and 30 pounds of pack) for about 2 seconds before it snapped in two and my face hit the trail. But those 2 seconds bought me enough time to stabalize most of my weight on level ground as my legs hung down. I had a banged up face and a broken pole but was otherwise OK.
Best gift ever, kids...but, uh...can I please get another?
They gave me a Leki collapsible walking stick about 10 years ago and I've used it for several hundred miles and I climbed 16 peaks of over 14,000 feet and several smaller ones. It's saved a lot of wear on my bad knee and last month it may have saved my life.
During our recent backpacking trip, we ended up hiking in two groups with the faster hikers in front. I was visiting with the back group and left them to catch up to my kids in the front so I was temporarily hiking alone. The two foot wide trail had risen to about 70 feet above the river when I just stepped off. I didn't stumble or trip and the trail didn't collapse. My left foot just stepped completely off the ledge. I threw myself to the right and my trusty Leki walking pole held my weight (and 30 pounds of pack) for about 2 seconds before it snapped in two and my face hit the trail. But those 2 seconds bought me enough time to stabalize most of my weight on level ground as my legs hung down. I had a banged up face and a broken pole but was otherwise OK.
Best gift ever, kids...but, uh...can I please get another?
Monday, July 26, 2010
Backpacking
"Our way is not soft grass, it's a mountain path with lots of rocks. But it goes upward, forward, toward the sun."
- Ruth Westheimer
"Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like falling leaves."
- John Muir
I used to backpack all of the time. I lived in one of the most beautiful places on earth and I explored quite a bit of it. Most of the time I went with friends, but when they weren't available I went by myself. It's hard to describe what the appeal is in putting everything you need to survive and be comfortable on your back and hike into the wilderness. But it's not comfortable. You sleep on the ground, you eat on a log, you squat in the bushes, and you are too cold or too hot. But....still...there is something about it that recharges the batteries. You get multiple doses of appreciation. You appreciate that you live in a place where wild things still exist. You appreciate that you have the health to hike and explore. You appreciate what our ancestors went through every day just to live. You appreciate the simplicity to just concentrate on staying warm and fed. And the when you get home...you appreciate modern society. A warm bed, a flushing toilet, a microwave, a chair with a back! I can rejoice in a hot shower for months after a good backpacking trip!
I just got back from a few days in the Manti-LaSal National Forest in Utah. I went with old friends (the best kind) and some of our kids. Me, Todd, Troy, Samantha, Katie, Jonah, Chelsea, Jake, Peter, Seth and Bogie hiked a few miles up a beautiful stream and found a campsite created just for us. We set up 6 tents and a hammock, a kitchen, a firepit, a hacky sack arena, a sink, and a bathroom and forced our children to listen to stories they've already heard a dozen times. They were very patient and laughed at all of the right parts and promised not to tell their mothers.
I think we are going to make this an annual tradition. Back to nature for 3 days and a renewed appreciation for civilization for the other 362!
You are invited.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
50 Movies
Humans tell stories. We love stories. Cave paintings prove that we've always loved stories. Children crave stories and my own kids would make them up themselves if I wasn't around to tell them one.
I recently wrote about how our celebrations and cermonies create societal and cultural bonding. Perhaps this is even more true of our stories. We can describe somone's Achilles heal and everyone who knows the story of Achilles will know that this person has a hidden weakness. We can compare someone to Han Solo and we all know that he is a rogue with a good heart. If I describe someone as a Good Samaritan, you know that I mean she is kind and willing to help. Our stories bring us together.
Todays stories are told at the movies. At many points in our lives we are asked about favorite movies. People may be genuinely interested in the answer or we may just be looking for a good conversation starter. My problem is that although I do have favorites, I usually draw a blank when I'm asked. I've already made a list of some of my favorite quotes and now I've compiled a list of my favorite movies. You may or may not care, but as my memory starts to falter, I'm actually making the list for myself.
Some of these movies were critically praised, some might be critically condemned. Here they are in alphabetical order.
3:10 To Yuma (classic western with the good guy doing the right thing)
A Christmas Story (still makes me laugh)
Alien (my first really scary movie)
Anchorman (so funny!)
Armeggedon (silly world saving fun with a great sound track)
Band of Brothers (really a mini-series but the best war story I've seen)
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (childhood memories of play acting the movie for weeks after I saw it)
Cast Away (triumph of human spirit...my favorite theme)
Cool Hand Luke (Paul Newman was the coolest)
Dead Poets Society (Seize the Day!)
Family Man (rediscovering what's important)
Field of Dreams (maybe it's a guy thing)
Forest Gump (who doesn't like Forest Gump?)
Fried Green Tomatos (this one's a chick flick...shhhhh....)
Gladiator (warrior saves the Roman Empire)
Glory (I know, I know, war = bad, but war movies = good)
Office Space (For everyone who's ever worked in an office)
Groundhog Day (great movie that I hear references to constantly)
Hoosiers (guys love a good underdog sports movie)
How the West Was Won (for some reason it made a big impression on me when I was a kid)
Independence Day (Humanity unites!)
It's a Wonderful Life (do I even have to explain?)
Lars and the Real Girl (the premise is too weird to explain and why I like it is too long to explain)
Leaving Las Vegas (we're all a little broken)
Life is Beautiful (a fathers love for his son)
Little Miss Sunshine (flawed family pulls together for the little girl)
Lion King (Disneys best)
Lord of the Rings (great adaptation of a favorite book)
Matrix (would you take the blue pill or the red pill?)
Million Dollar Baby (sports movie with a female lead)
Off the Map (you've definitely never heard of it but check it out)
Oh Brother Where Art Thou (funny, funny with awesome soundtrack)
Planes Trains and Automobiles (totally stupid and I can still laugh just thinking about it)
Planet of The Apes (I LOVED these movies as a kid)
The Postman (I amy be the only person that liked this movie)
Princess Bride (a much better book but a great movie anyway)
Rocky (just a few seconds of the song still inspires me)
Roots (another mini-series but it started me on a life long hobby)
Animal House (again...it's a guy thing)
Saving Private Ryan (second best war story ever)
Schindlers List (This awful story was told so well, I felt physically ill)
Spanglish (I can't explain it but it struck a chord in me)
Shawshank Redemption (on a lot of favorite lists and near the top of mine)
Star Wars (come on! This has got to be on everyones list!)
That Thing You Do
Tropic Thunder (funny, funny, funny, funny, funny)
Truman Show (I like Jim Carreys and Adam Sandlers serious stuff better than I like their comedies)
Unforgiven (much more than just a western, it shows that the lines are blurred between the good guys and bad guys)
Up and Wall E (combined my favorite Pixar films)
Wizard of Oz (I may have seen at least parts of it 50 times)
So there they are. I've limited the list to 50 so I'll probably come back to it and kick some off as I add new candidates. Some of these movies are similar and some are nothing alike but they are all on the list because they told a story I liked. Am I missing anything that I should reconsider?
I recently wrote about how our celebrations and cermonies create societal and cultural bonding. Perhaps this is even more true of our stories. We can describe somone's Achilles heal and everyone who knows the story of Achilles will know that this person has a hidden weakness. We can compare someone to Han Solo and we all know that he is a rogue with a good heart. If I describe someone as a Good Samaritan, you know that I mean she is kind and willing to help. Our stories bring us together.
Todays stories are told at the movies. At many points in our lives we are asked about favorite movies. People may be genuinely interested in the answer or we may just be looking for a good conversation starter. My problem is that although I do have favorites, I usually draw a blank when I'm asked. I've already made a list of some of my favorite quotes and now I've compiled a list of my favorite movies. You may or may not care, but as my memory starts to falter, I'm actually making the list for myself.
Some of these movies were critically praised, some might be critically condemned. Here they are in alphabetical order.
3:10 To Yuma (classic western with the good guy doing the right thing)
A Christmas Story (still makes me laugh)
Alien (my first really scary movie)
Anchorman (so funny!)
Armeggedon (silly world saving fun with a great sound track)
Band of Brothers (really a mini-series but the best war story I've seen)
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (childhood memories of play acting the movie for weeks after I saw it)
Cast Away (triumph of human spirit...my favorite theme)
Cool Hand Luke (Paul Newman was the coolest)
Dead Poets Society (Seize the Day!)
Family Man (rediscovering what's important)
Field of Dreams (maybe it's a guy thing)
Forest Gump (who doesn't like Forest Gump?)
Fried Green Tomatos (this one's a chick flick...shhhhh....)
Gladiator (warrior saves the Roman Empire)
Glory (I know, I know, war = bad, but war movies = good)
Office Space (For everyone who's ever worked in an office)
Groundhog Day (great movie that I hear references to constantly)
Hoosiers (guys love a good underdog sports movie)
How the West Was Won (for some reason it made a big impression on me when I was a kid)
Independence Day (Humanity unites!)
It's a Wonderful Life (do I even have to explain?)
Lars and the Real Girl (the premise is too weird to explain and why I like it is too long to explain)
Leaving Las Vegas (we're all a little broken)
Life is Beautiful (a fathers love for his son)
Little Miss Sunshine (flawed family pulls together for the little girl)
Lion King (Disneys best)
Lord of the Rings (great adaptation of a favorite book)
Matrix (would you take the blue pill or the red pill?)
Million Dollar Baby (sports movie with a female lead)
Off the Map (you've definitely never heard of it but check it out)
Oh Brother Where Art Thou (funny, funny with awesome soundtrack)
Planes Trains and Automobiles (totally stupid and I can still laugh just thinking about it)
Planet of The Apes (I LOVED these movies as a kid)
The Postman (I amy be the only person that liked this movie)
Princess Bride (a much better book but a great movie anyway)
Rocky (just a few seconds of the song still inspires me)
Roots (another mini-series but it started me on a life long hobby)
Animal House (again...it's a guy thing)
Saving Private Ryan (second best war story ever)
Schindlers List (This awful story was told so well, I felt physically ill)
Spanglish (I can't explain it but it struck a chord in me)
Shawshank Redemption (on a lot of favorite lists and near the top of mine)
Star Wars (come on! This has got to be on everyones list!)
That Thing You Do
Tropic Thunder (funny, funny, funny, funny, funny)
Truman Show (I like Jim Carreys and Adam Sandlers serious stuff better than I like their comedies)
Unforgiven (much more than just a western, it shows that the lines are blurred between the good guys and bad guys)
Up and Wall E (combined my favorite Pixar films)
Wizard of Oz (I may have seen at least parts of it 50 times)
So there they are. I've limited the list to 50 so I'll probably come back to it and kick some off as I add new candidates. Some of these movies are similar and some are nothing alike but they are all on the list because they told a story I liked. Am I missing anything that I should reconsider?
Friday, June 18, 2010
Remember Me?
I write this stuff not just to give some stories to my kids that they may enjoy one day, but so that I can write my history the way I see it. These are my stories and I can portray myself with any heroic or humorous details that may or may not have actually happened. My thanks go to Todd and Troy who witnessed the following events and recently reminded me of them.
The Hurricane High track team was participating in the Manti Invitational in May of 1979. A couple dozen small schools from around the state were there and between events me and some friends were hanging out on the pole vault mats with some kids from other schools. Boyd Prince was the long distance star of our squad and even as a sophomore that year he was setting school records that stood for a couple decades. At some point Boyd started rough housing with this bigger kid from Nephi named Kim J.(I'm not including his last name because I don't want him reading this) I don't remember exactly how it started but I'm certain it was instigated by Boyd. As friendly as he was, he was also the kind of guy who would laugh at a speech impediment or mock someone's limp. Whatever had happened, Kim was pissed and was getting the better of Boyd with some sort of wrestling torture move.
If you can picture a pole vault mat, it's about the size of a three foot tall king mattress. There were two of these mats pushed together so that a deep crevasse formed between them. I don't know if any action on my part was really necessary. Boyd wasn't enjoying himself, but he wasn't injured and he wasn't asking for help. He may not have needed saving. Several of us were watching and saying, "That's enough, get off him." But I saw this superior, mocking grin on Kim's face and surprised myself by jumping on him without thinking it through. In a stroke of remarkable luck, I knocked him off of Boyd and onto his back - right on top of the crevasse. Our combined weight wedged him in and I saw a wonderful opportunity to avoid getting pummeled so I kept pushing him down until he disappeared. Keep in mind that these mats are strapped together and it was an extremely tight fit to stuff a body in there.
For the next two minutes, I played a very slow motion game of "whack-a-mole" as he tried to get out. He would manage to get an arm out and I would stuff it back in. A leg would pop up and again I would push it back down. His head was the scariest thing to escape because then I could hear the words he was screaming about what his plans were for me. It was not my intention to torture the guy but I didn't have a next move planned out. He was bigger and stronger and madder than me and I was starting to realize that this was not going to end well. A crowd started to gather and laugh which increased his humiliation and his fury. There was only one option. I pushed him down as far as I could...and I ran. I had about a 20 second lead and I ran to my coach and stood by him. Kim stood nearby and glared at me for about half an hour before he had to go compete. I surrounded myself with friends and coaches for the rest of the day and my life was spared.
Funny story, right? We laughed about it for a few months and then moved on. If nothing else had happened we probably would have forgotten the incident entirely. But that wasn't the end of the story....
Two years later (2 YEARS!) I left college for a weekend to travel to Delta to watch my brother Rick wrestle in the state tournament. Troy and Todd and I borrowed Rick's 1964 Mercury Comet and drove up to cheer him on. Between matches we decided to leave the gym and go look for somewhere to eat. We were in the car and I had just started the engine when Troy saw this bearded giant sprinting across the lawn towards us. "Do you know him?" Troy asked. Todd (who had been with me at the track meet) and I both recognized Kim J. even though he was 50 pounds and 6 inches bigger than he was two years ago. It was as if he'd been eating a bowl of steroids every morning and throwing knives at a target of my picture for two years. He was as mad as if he'd just now crawled from between those mats.
If I had been by myself I would have just floored the gas and peeled out of there. But I had friends with me who would probably repeat the story to my kids 30 years later so I had to act cool. Not brave...just cool. Self preservation came first so I realized that I should lock my door. So I casually slapped at where a door lock should be and found nothing. Rick's car had doors that looked like airplane wings when opened. They were long and the lock was waaaaay behind my shoulder.
The giant got closer.
I slapped for the lock.
"Who is he?" (Troy)
"Oh Crap" (Todd)
As his huge paw reached for the door handle, I stopped acting cool and lunged for my door lock just in time. Now that I was safe inside a few thousand pounds of steel I could pretend to be cool again. He was shaking the car and screaming curses at me and spit was literally hitting my window as he cursed. I had to say something to either:
a) apologize
b) calm him down
c) make my friends laugh
So I cracked the window open half an inch and said, "Remember me?"
This did not calm him. I realize that it was not a terribly witty thing to say. I'm typically much funnier than that but my mouth was dry and I was a little stunned at the situation and that is all I could come up with. Troy and Todd did laugh and this encouraged me to repeat it a couple more times.
I put the car in gear and slowly started coasting away as he kept his face at my window. "Do you remember those pole vault mats, Kim?" For some reason everytime I asked him this it seemed to make him angrier. Todd and Troy continued to giggle so I considered raising the stakes by pointing out to him that Kim was a girls name but I worried he would have turned the car over and crushed our skulls betweeen his fingers. I slowly (and cooly) drove off and kept asking him if he remembered me.
I am grateful to say that I have never seen him since. Not wanting to take any chances of running into the guy, I'm not planning on moving back to Utah until I read his obituary. You can't be too careful when someone considers you their mortal enemy!
Do you still remember me, Kim?
The Hurricane High track team was participating in the Manti Invitational in May of 1979. A couple dozen small schools from around the state were there and between events me and some friends were hanging out on the pole vault mats with some kids from other schools. Boyd Prince was the long distance star of our squad and even as a sophomore that year he was setting school records that stood for a couple decades. At some point Boyd started rough housing with this bigger kid from Nephi named Kim J.(I'm not including his last name because I don't want him reading this) I don't remember exactly how it started but I'm certain it was instigated by Boyd. As friendly as he was, he was also the kind of guy who would laugh at a speech impediment or mock someone's limp. Whatever had happened, Kim was pissed and was getting the better of Boyd with some sort of wrestling torture move.
If you can picture a pole vault mat, it's about the size of a three foot tall king mattress. There were two of these mats pushed together so that a deep crevasse formed between them. I don't know if any action on my part was really necessary. Boyd wasn't enjoying himself, but he wasn't injured and he wasn't asking for help. He may not have needed saving. Several of us were watching and saying, "That's enough, get off him." But I saw this superior, mocking grin on Kim's face and surprised myself by jumping on him without thinking it through. In a stroke of remarkable luck, I knocked him off of Boyd and onto his back - right on top of the crevasse. Our combined weight wedged him in and I saw a wonderful opportunity to avoid getting pummeled so I kept pushing him down until he disappeared. Keep in mind that these mats are strapped together and it was an extremely tight fit to stuff a body in there.
For the next two minutes, I played a very slow motion game of "whack-a-mole" as he tried to get out. He would manage to get an arm out and I would stuff it back in. A leg would pop up and again I would push it back down. His head was the scariest thing to escape because then I could hear the words he was screaming about what his plans were for me. It was not my intention to torture the guy but I didn't have a next move planned out. He was bigger and stronger and madder than me and I was starting to realize that this was not going to end well. A crowd started to gather and laugh which increased his humiliation and his fury. There was only one option. I pushed him down as far as I could...and I ran. I had about a 20 second lead and I ran to my coach and stood by him. Kim stood nearby and glared at me for about half an hour before he had to go compete. I surrounded myself with friends and coaches for the rest of the day and my life was spared.
Funny story, right? We laughed about it for a few months and then moved on. If nothing else had happened we probably would have forgotten the incident entirely. But that wasn't the end of the story....
Two years later (2 YEARS!) I left college for a weekend to travel to Delta to watch my brother Rick wrestle in the state tournament. Troy and Todd and I borrowed Rick's 1964 Mercury Comet and drove up to cheer him on. Between matches we decided to leave the gym and go look for somewhere to eat. We were in the car and I had just started the engine when Troy saw this bearded giant sprinting across the lawn towards us. "Do you know him?" Troy asked. Todd (who had been with me at the track meet) and I both recognized Kim J. even though he was 50 pounds and 6 inches bigger than he was two years ago. It was as if he'd been eating a bowl of steroids every morning and throwing knives at a target of my picture for two years. He was as mad as if he'd just now crawled from between those mats.
If I had been by myself I would have just floored the gas and peeled out of there. But I had friends with me who would probably repeat the story to my kids 30 years later so I had to act cool. Not brave...just cool. Self preservation came first so I realized that I should lock my door. So I casually slapped at where a door lock should be and found nothing. Rick's car had doors that looked like airplane wings when opened. They were long and the lock was waaaaay behind my shoulder.
The giant got closer.
I slapped for the lock.
"Who is he?" (Troy)
"Oh Crap" (Todd)
As his huge paw reached for the door handle, I stopped acting cool and lunged for my door lock just in time. Now that I was safe inside a few thousand pounds of steel I could pretend to be cool again. He was shaking the car and screaming curses at me and spit was literally hitting my window as he cursed. I had to say something to either:
a) apologize
b) calm him down
c) make my friends laugh
So I cracked the window open half an inch and said, "Remember me?"
This did not calm him. I realize that it was not a terribly witty thing to say. I'm typically much funnier than that but my mouth was dry and I was a little stunned at the situation and that is all I could come up with. Troy and Todd did laugh and this encouraged me to repeat it a couple more times.
I put the car in gear and slowly started coasting away as he kept his face at my window. "Do you remember those pole vault mats, Kim?" For some reason everytime I asked him this it seemed to make him angrier. Todd and Troy continued to giggle so I considered raising the stakes by pointing out to him that Kim was a girls name but I worried he would have turned the car over and crushed our skulls betweeen his fingers. I slowly (and cooly) drove off and kept asking him if he remembered me.
I am grateful to say that I have never seen him since. Not wanting to take any chances of running into the guy, I'm not planning on moving back to Utah until I read his obituary. You can't be too careful when someone considers you their mortal enemy!
Do you still remember me, Kim?
Monday, June 7, 2010
10,000 Days
The best evidence that I should have majored in history instead of finance comes from the fact that I can't remember anything that I learned from my finance classes. I was usually daydreaming or counting my imaginary money. (I still spend way too much time counting imaginary money)
During one particularly boring financial theory class I came up with an entire new way to celebrate lifes milestones. I came up with a brand new ritual that would be celebrated around the globe. I've long since lost the notes I made on my idea, but it involved celebrations, gift giving, Hallmark cards, speeches, family gatherings...the works. I was trying to figure out how I could profit from the idea so I ran it by my dull minded friends (you know who you are). Sadly I was discouraged with theirs yawns and shrugs, so another brilliant idea withered and died from the lack of effort.
The rituals of our lives may seem unnecessary but they are a feature of almost all known human societies, past or present. A ritual is a set of actions, performed mainly for their symbolic value. They may be performed on special occasions by a single individual, by a group, or by the entire community. Alongside the personal dimensions of rituals, they also have the important function of reinforcing the shared values and beliefs of a society. We use them to create social bonds. They include not only the various worship rites of organized religions, but also the rites of passsage in our lives such as marriages, graduations, funerals and even birthday parties.
While the actual passages of life may follow in consequential order, birth, adolescence, graduation, marriage, retirement, death...the actual lives we live are seldom so orderly. A ceremony that marks a life passage gives us a chance to pause, to reflect on the past and dream of the future. It gives us a chance to pay attention to our lives and to note our existence. By paying attention to our existence we sanctify it. We ask "Who am I? What am I doing here?" We connect ourselves to previous generations and to the generations that follow.
OK, so here's the basic premise of my 25 year old great idea. Our lives are divided into many stages but I condensed them into three sections of 10,000 days called Life Days. 10,000 is a big, impressive, round number that carries the weight of importance and rarity(10,000 days is about 27 and a half years). These 10,000 day milestones would be so globally important that everyone would know the three dates that celebrate their life. A baby would leave the hospital with a name, a birthday, and his three life days. The celebrations marking your life day are much bigger than birthdays or even graduations. They are as important as weddings and involve invitations and speeches and gifts and toasts and dancing.
The first third of your life is called "Becoming". This is obviously the period when you become who you are and by your 10,000th day you are pretty much the person you are going to be. You develop your skills and talents and your fears and phobias. You become educated and choose career paths. You often choose a mate and become a parent. You dream and hope and know that you have your whole life ahead of you.
The second phase, I called "Achieving". This is the responsible, productive, middle of your life. You work, produce, provide, and accomplish the goals you established in your younger stage. The younger and older generations both count on you.
The last 10,000 days start when you are about 55 and is called "Reflecting". You still have a lot of work ahead of you but the kids have moved out and the promotions at work seem less important and you are starting to coast. You are exploring your spirituality and hopefully enjoying the life you've built.
At 82, there is a major celebration of your life. You've reached 30,000 days! There is a major celebration of a life well lived. People make the speeches that they were saving for your funeral but should be told while you could hear and appreciate them. You live the remainder of your "bonus days" as a respected elder and enjoy the years you have left.
What do you think? Do we need another reason to celebrate? Will it catch on? Is it stupid? If I send my idea to Hallmark will I get a cut of the card sales?
Here are my Life Days:
I was 10,000 days on January 18, 1989
I will be 20,000 days on June 5th, 2016
I will be 30,000 days on October 22, 2043
Go to www.daysalive.com to figure out your own milestones. And make sure I get an invitation to your celebration!!
During one particularly boring financial theory class I came up with an entire new way to celebrate lifes milestones. I came up with a brand new ritual that would be celebrated around the globe. I've long since lost the notes I made on my idea, but it involved celebrations, gift giving, Hallmark cards, speeches, family gatherings...the works. I was trying to figure out how I could profit from the idea so I ran it by my dull minded friends (you know who you are). Sadly I was discouraged with theirs yawns and shrugs, so another brilliant idea withered and died from the lack of effort.
The rituals of our lives may seem unnecessary but they are a feature of almost all known human societies, past or present. A ritual is a set of actions, performed mainly for their symbolic value. They may be performed on special occasions by a single individual, by a group, or by the entire community. Alongside the personal dimensions of rituals, they also have the important function of reinforcing the shared values and beliefs of a society. We use them to create social bonds. They include not only the various worship rites of organized religions, but also the rites of passsage in our lives such as marriages, graduations, funerals and even birthday parties.
While the actual passages of life may follow in consequential order, birth, adolescence, graduation, marriage, retirement, death...the actual lives we live are seldom so orderly. A ceremony that marks a life passage gives us a chance to pause, to reflect on the past and dream of the future. It gives us a chance to pay attention to our lives and to note our existence. By paying attention to our existence we sanctify it. We ask "Who am I? What am I doing here?" We connect ourselves to previous generations and to the generations that follow.
OK, so here's the basic premise of my 25 year old great idea. Our lives are divided into many stages but I condensed them into three sections of 10,000 days called Life Days. 10,000 is a big, impressive, round number that carries the weight of importance and rarity(10,000 days is about 27 and a half years). These 10,000 day milestones would be so globally important that everyone would know the three dates that celebrate their life. A baby would leave the hospital with a name, a birthday, and his three life days. The celebrations marking your life day are much bigger than birthdays or even graduations. They are as important as weddings and involve invitations and speeches and gifts and toasts and dancing.
The first third of your life is called "Becoming". This is obviously the period when you become who you are and by your 10,000th day you are pretty much the person you are going to be. You develop your skills and talents and your fears and phobias. You become educated and choose career paths. You often choose a mate and become a parent. You dream and hope and know that you have your whole life ahead of you.
The second phase, I called "Achieving". This is the responsible, productive, middle of your life. You work, produce, provide, and accomplish the goals you established in your younger stage. The younger and older generations both count on you.
The last 10,000 days start when you are about 55 and is called "Reflecting". You still have a lot of work ahead of you but the kids have moved out and the promotions at work seem less important and you are starting to coast. You are exploring your spirituality and hopefully enjoying the life you've built.
At 82, there is a major celebration of your life. You've reached 30,000 days! There is a major celebration of a life well lived. People make the speeches that they were saving for your funeral but should be told while you could hear and appreciate them. You live the remainder of your "bonus days" as a respected elder and enjoy the years you have left.
What do you think? Do we need another reason to celebrate? Will it catch on? Is it stupid? If I send my idea to Hallmark will I get a cut of the card sales?
Here are my Life Days:
I was 10,000 days on January 18, 1989
I will be 20,000 days on June 5th, 2016
I will be 30,000 days on October 22, 2043
Go to www.daysalive.com to figure out your own milestones. And make sure I get an invitation to your celebration!!
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
A Blue collar Monday
On June 8th 2002, Terry Barton (a forest service officer) started the largest fire in Colorado history. She claims she was just burning letters from her ex-husband but later plead guilty to arson and served six years in prison. The fire consumed over 138,000 acres and crossed through 4 counties. A forest fire on this scale is devastating for all of the obvious reasons but much of the damage continues years after the fire is out.
Without the vegetation to keep the soil in place, it looks as if the mountains are melting. Even 8 years later, the roads in the area are frequently impassable after a rain storm because of mud slides. All of the soil starts coming down.
This year Vail Resorts pledged 1,500 volunteer hours to the restoration project. On Monday I contributed 6 hours to that total. Instead of a pen, a phone, and a keyboard, my tools were gloves, a hard hat, a polaski, and a sledge hammer.
My group started out on erosion control. Our job was to fill in a gully, install logs across the slope (erosion bars) to divert the run off and plant grass seed over the finished product. To keep the logs in place, we hammered rebar on the downhill side of the log and that is where the sledge hammer came in. I got to be John Henry for a little while but as far as I know, no songs were written about me....
We were making good progress until the winds came. Really big winds. Earlier that day we received a safety briefing and they warned us about the danger of falling trees after a forest fire. I didn't take it too seriously and figured they were being overly cautious. They weren't. First we heard trees falling and we would jump and look around and hope to catch one in action. Then we saw one fall and thought that was pretty cool. Then we saw three fall and thought that would be a good story. Then we saw a dozen fall and our forest ranger supervisor said "that's it, we're out of here". Before we could pack up and leave we saw trees flying through the air with the bottom of the trunk landing 50 feet away from the stump. I told myself that when I retold the story, I'd say we were running and dodging and lost a few good men but the truth is I never really felt I was in danger.
We relocated outside of the burn area and switched to planting trees. I was on a six man auger crew (a very manly tool!!!) With the auger and six people we could drill a three foot hole, pop in a willow tree, cover it, and water it in about a minute and a half.
By the end of the day I was dirty and out of breath. My back hurt and my grip was gone...but I felt great! I'm grateful for my desk job that doesn't involve daily punishment to my body, but for one day it felt really good to be exhausted and be able to point to something and say "I did that".
I wouldn't mind if I did the same thing every Monday...except for winters...or windy days I guess...or if I didn't feel good, like, you know, a stomache ache or something...but every other Monday for sure!!
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Greener Grass
I wish I could feel compelled to right more often just because. Just because I was grateful for any one of the ten thousand reasons that I should be (and am) grateful. But for some reason I only feel my burst of writing energy when something gets under my skin.
So the theme of what's under my skin today is a topic that I've written about a few times already. Why aren't people happier? I often wonder "what if". We all do. What if I had taken that path, studied that subject, accepted that job or married that woman. How would my life be different? Would I be happier? Would the grass be greener? I get it...but reaching middle age and “suddenly” discovering your life has not turned out exactly how you planned it in the 10th grade is about as unenlightening a revelation as realizing rocks fall when you drop them.
We all have regrets, but if I hear one more whiny spouse of either gender announcing that they got a divorce because they were “not happy” or they needed to "follow their bliss", I would like to put them in a crate and ship them to Afghanistan or Haiti so they can learn the true meaning of “not happy.” I'll admit that I'm not a neutral observer on the topic of divorce and my opinions are definitely biased, but I'm sick and tired of the whole “grass is greener” nonsense, particularly when knowing that just about every heifer that ever had its head stuck in a barbed wire fence quickly learns it's the same grass no matter which side you're on. They need to stop wasting their lives in these silly, extended, self-directed, over-produced dramas searching for nirvana, especially when chances are it's been right in front of them the entire time all along. I'm convinced that the pursuit of happiness is the chief cause of unhappiness. Being happy is so much more than merely not being unhappy. It can't be purchased, sold, elected or voted for, but can be found by simply looking at what one has as opposed to what one thinks they are missing.
Happiness is not having what you want, it is wanting what you have. It is not something you have to pursue, it's just something you decide. It can be as simple as a cool breeze or a warm bed. The younger we are, the simpler the equation. To a 5-year-old it can be a piece of candy from grandpa, and when I was 11 I remember being dizzy from happiness with a nice smile from a cute girl. (ok...I'll admit that is still pretty effective at 48)
And before anybody thinks they're being singled out by these words, trust me, this is about no one in particular yet a great many in general. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is strictly coincidence!
So the theme of what's under my skin today is a topic that I've written about a few times already. Why aren't people happier? I often wonder "what if". We all do. What if I had taken that path, studied that subject, accepted that job or married that woman. How would my life be different? Would I be happier? Would the grass be greener? I get it...but reaching middle age and “suddenly” discovering your life has not turned out exactly how you planned it in the 10th grade is about as unenlightening a revelation as realizing rocks fall when you drop them.
We all have regrets, but if I hear one more whiny spouse of either gender announcing that they got a divorce because they were “not happy” or they needed to "follow their bliss", I would like to put them in a crate and ship them to Afghanistan or Haiti so they can learn the true meaning of “not happy.” I'll admit that I'm not a neutral observer on the topic of divorce and my opinions are definitely biased, but I'm sick and tired of the whole “grass is greener” nonsense, particularly when knowing that just about every heifer that ever had its head stuck in a barbed wire fence quickly learns it's the same grass no matter which side you're on. They need to stop wasting their lives in these silly, extended, self-directed, over-produced dramas searching for nirvana, especially when chances are it's been right in front of them the entire time all along. I'm convinced that the pursuit of happiness is the chief cause of unhappiness. Being happy is so much more than merely not being unhappy. It can't be purchased, sold, elected or voted for, but can be found by simply looking at what one has as opposed to what one thinks they are missing.
Happiness is not having what you want, it is wanting what you have. It is not something you have to pursue, it's just something you decide. It can be as simple as a cool breeze or a warm bed. The younger we are, the simpler the equation. To a 5-year-old it can be a piece of candy from grandpa, and when I was 11 I remember being dizzy from happiness with a nice smile from a cute girl. (ok...I'll admit that is still pretty effective at 48)
And before anybody thinks they're being singled out by these words, trust me, this is about no one in particular yet a great many in general. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is strictly coincidence!
Sunday, March 21, 2010
It Keeps Getting Better
Why does every generation believe that humanity is in its worst state ever? It seems to me that everyone thinks that The Golden Age was whatever period of time covered your youth. Movies were better (unless you were a black actor), music was better (unless you were a gay singer), politics were better (unless you were a woman running for office), schools were better (unless you had dyslexia), and kids had more respect (and knew they deserved that beating). And today's world is in the toilet which is proof that Jesus is coming and the end is near. Whatever.
Are things really worse? If you really think things are worse, then they are, and there is never a lack of evidence to prove your point. You see aids, terrorism, pollution, and watch Fox News and you have no doubt that civilization is decaying.
But I prefer to look at life through a different lens, and case by case, most things seem a lot better today when compared with conditions just a generation ago, let alone a millenium ago.
Here are a few examples that come to mind. They range from trivial to awesome. And I'm not even going to discuss comparisons from 1000 years ago when we worried about our villages getting plundered, our children getting kidnapped, and rats bringing the plague.
Would the people who complain that there's no leg room on the airplane rather pull their hand cart to Utah? Would you still live in Phoenix if there was no air conditioning? How wonderful is it that instead of an outhouse and the Sears catalog, we have indoor plumbing and really soft toilet paper?(my favorite reason I wasn't born a hundred years earlier) What about cell phones, ATM's, velcro, online banking, online trading and those really funny stock trading baby commercials?
But it's your choice. You can look at UPC symbols and GPS as an example of Big Brother looking over your shoulder or you can look look at them as just a faster way to get out of the store and never getting lost. You can complain about the cost of health care or you can thank God for the miracles of penicillin, epidurals, and flouride.
Cars are safer, water is safer, paint is safer, cribs are safer, food is safer, and you can eat in a restaurant without the stink of cigarettes. Hmmmm.....I wonder if our incompetent, intrusive government and their regulations had anything to with that?
YOU LIVE IN PARADISE!!!!!
Do you really yearn for the "good old days"? Do you really want to worry about polio? Do you really want to have to get up to change the channel? Do you you want to know that when your child moves 200 miles away, you'll likely never see them again? Do you want your daughter to have 10% of the opportunities that she had 100 years ago? Do you really think that humanity is so corrupt that there is no saving it?
The world...this paradise we live in...keeps getting better. You can give the credit to God, or you can give the credit to man, but every year, the world is better than it was the year before. I usually believe that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but if you disagree with me...you are WRONG.
With so many blessings out there, why is it so hard to feel blessed?
Are things really worse? If you really think things are worse, then they are, and there is never a lack of evidence to prove your point. You see aids, terrorism, pollution, and watch Fox News and you have no doubt that civilization is decaying.
But I prefer to look at life through a different lens, and case by case, most things seem a lot better today when compared with conditions just a generation ago, let alone a millenium ago.
Here are a few examples that come to mind. They range from trivial to awesome. And I'm not even going to discuss comparisons from 1000 years ago when we worried about our villages getting plundered, our children getting kidnapped, and rats bringing the plague.
Would the people who complain that there's no leg room on the airplane rather pull their hand cart to Utah? Would you still live in Phoenix if there was no air conditioning? How wonderful is it that instead of an outhouse and the Sears catalog, we have indoor plumbing and really soft toilet paper?(my favorite reason I wasn't born a hundred years earlier) What about cell phones, ATM's, velcro, online banking, online trading and those really funny stock trading baby commercials?
But it's your choice. You can look at UPC symbols and GPS as an example of Big Brother looking over your shoulder or you can look look at them as just a faster way to get out of the store and never getting lost. You can complain about the cost of health care or you can thank God for the miracles of penicillin, epidurals, and flouride.
Cars are safer, water is safer, paint is safer, cribs are safer, food is safer, and you can eat in a restaurant without the stink of cigarettes. Hmmmm.....I wonder if our incompetent, intrusive government and their regulations had anything to with that?
YOU LIVE IN PARADISE!!!!!
Do you really yearn for the "good old days"? Do you really want to worry about polio? Do you really want to have to get up to change the channel? Do you you want to know that when your child moves 200 miles away, you'll likely never see them again? Do you want your daughter to have 10% of the opportunities that she had 100 years ago? Do you really think that humanity is so corrupt that there is no saving it?
The world...this paradise we live in...keeps getting better. You can give the credit to God, or you can give the credit to man, but every year, the world is better than it was the year before. I usually believe that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but if you disagree with me...you are WRONG.
With so many blessings out there, why is it so hard to feel blessed?
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
The End is Near!
Doomsdayers have shouted this prediction for thousands of years and the only end has been their own. The recent "irrefutable evidence" has come from this years series of earthquakes. I've always assumed that the mountains and canyons and volcanos and sink holes and tsunamis and hurricanes that are all over the globe were evidence that we live on an evolving, living planet. Not so! I just read an article about the latest quake in Turkey but that's not where the real information was. The good stuff was below the article in the comments section. That is the best part of getting your news online. You get to see read people's opinions of the news. And since all comments are anonymous you get see the crazy stuff that these people really think about.
There were nearly 2000 comments on this article so naturally I didn't read them all, but I did browse a couple hundred and here is a breakdown of earthquake theories.
60% say the reason is biblical. Jesus is returning and the earthquakes are no surprise because it's all predicted in scripture. (Matthew 24:7 and Revelations 16:18-20). Biblical predictions have been around for 2000 years so this is nothing new. I have to be careful here because some of these beliefs are sincere but what stood out and bothered me about these posts was the apparent delight at the prospect of the end of the world. Sinners (humans who don't believe what you believe) were finally going to get what was coming to them. Seriously! These people have the same joyful confidence of the suicide bomber before he squeezes the trigger. Just no doubt in their minds about what comes next and joy in the knowledge that people were going to be hurt.
10% say government conspiracy. Included in this number are the handful who say it's Obama's fault. Apparently the United States has developed an earthquake machine and we are in the process of testing it around poor countries. Other more sensible conspiracy theorists say don't be silly. There is no earthquake machine. The US is conducting undersea nuclear tests. Both sides have lots of compelling evidence which I won't go into here.
10% say it's all about the 2012 Mayan prophecies. For more information...see the movie.
10% have actually made the case that earthquakes are caused by global warming. You see, because both poles are melting, the weight of the earth is getting redistributed and geologic shifts are occurring. The quakes are going to continue until the earth finds balances its new weight. One woman (who had quotes from Fox News) combines this theory with the conspiracy theories and says Al Gore is running the earthquake machine to fool us into believing him so he can take over the world.
5% believe mother earth is a living breathing organism and human kind is a parasite or bacteria on its surface. Because of our bad habits, she is finally taking action to get rid of us.
3% say oil drilling and coal mining are too blame. It's obvious that if you remove the interior of any object then the exterior is going to start collapsing. Also, the oil acts as a natural lubricant on the plates and now its missing so there is more friction that causes earth quakes. Ok, I have to confess that I almost started to believe this one. It made sense to me and the people explaining it were using really big, scientificky words that impressed me.
Only 2% of the people believed that there is nothing new or unusual going on. Here is a quote I lifted that summarizes my own views. "All you fatalists and conspiracy idiots are just that, idiots. Earthquakes have been happening around the world for thousands of years and every time idiots perceive it as a harbinger of Armageddon. Today's day and age with easily accessible information through the internet and growing number of people in areas that are able to report it so quickly, it may seem like there is an unusual amount of catastrophic natural disasters, but the fact is is that you are more readily informed of these events than the past. They've always been occurring, all over the world so get a grip and move on".
At first it frightened me that 98% of the population believe something dark and unusual is going on. But then with relief, I realized that it is just 98% of anonymous public forum commentors dying for attention. Tell me that's right. There aren't really only 2 out of 100 people that think this is all perfectly normal, right? Right?
If you want to see a cool website that will show you every earthquake in the world go to:
http://earthquake.usgs.gov/earthquakes/recenteqsww/Quakes/quakes_all.php
There were nearly 2000 comments on this article so naturally I didn't read them all, but I did browse a couple hundred and here is a breakdown of earthquake theories.
60% say the reason is biblical. Jesus is returning and the earthquakes are no surprise because it's all predicted in scripture. (Matthew 24:7 and Revelations 16:18-20). Biblical predictions have been around for 2000 years so this is nothing new. I have to be careful here because some of these beliefs are sincere but what stood out and bothered me about these posts was the apparent delight at the prospect of the end of the world. Sinners (humans who don't believe what you believe) were finally going to get what was coming to them. Seriously! These people have the same joyful confidence of the suicide bomber before he squeezes the trigger. Just no doubt in their minds about what comes next and joy in the knowledge that people were going to be hurt.
10% say government conspiracy. Included in this number are the handful who say it's Obama's fault. Apparently the United States has developed an earthquake machine and we are in the process of testing it around poor countries. Other more sensible conspiracy theorists say don't be silly. There is no earthquake machine. The US is conducting undersea nuclear tests. Both sides have lots of compelling evidence which I won't go into here.
10% say it's all about the 2012 Mayan prophecies. For more information...see the movie.
10% have actually made the case that earthquakes are caused by global warming. You see, because both poles are melting, the weight of the earth is getting redistributed and geologic shifts are occurring. The quakes are going to continue until the earth finds balances its new weight. One woman (who had quotes from Fox News) combines this theory with the conspiracy theories and says Al Gore is running the earthquake machine to fool us into believing him so he can take over the world.
5% believe mother earth is a living breathing organism and human kind is a parasite or bacteria on its surface. Because of our bad habits, she is finally taking action to get rid of us.
3% say oil drilling and coal mining are too blame. It's obvious that if you remove the interior of any object then the exterior is going to start collapsing. Also, the oil acts as a natural lubricant on the plates and now its missing so there is more friction that causes earth quakes. Ok, I have to confess that I almost started to believe this one. It made sense to me and the people explaining it were using really big, scientificky words that impressed me.
Only 2% of the people believed that there is nothing new or unusual going on. Here is a quote I lifted that summarizes my own views. "All you fatalists and conspiracy idiots are just that, idiots. Earthquakes have been happening around the world for thousands of years and every time idiots perceive it as a harbinger of Armageddon. Today's day and age with easily accessible information through the internet and growing number of people in areas that are able to report it so quickly, it may seem like there is an unusual amount of catastrophic natural disasters, but the fact is is that you are more readily informed of these events than the past. They've always been occurring, all over the world so get a grip and move on".
At first it frightened me that 98% of the population believe something dark and unusual is going on. But then with relief, I realized that it is just 98% of anonymous public forum commentors dying for attention. Tell me that's right. There aren't really only 2 out of 100 people that think this is all perfectly normal, right? Right?
If you want to see a cool website that will show you every earthquake in the world go to:
http://earthquake.usgs.gov/earthquakes/recenteqsww/Quakes/quakes_all.php
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Testosterone
I needed a change.
I interact with women all day. My boss is a woman, most of my co-workers are women, my best friends locally are women, I ski with women, and I date women. I drive a mini-van. I own a bichon frise. I'm polite, empathetic, politically correct, and refrain from loud belching. I recycle, keep a clean house, and watch American Idol.
A couple of weeks ago, I looked in the mirror and wondered if I should be moisturizing when I realized that an immediate trip to Utah was necessary to keep me from adding "Dancing With the Stars" to my list of must see TV.
I didn't head to Utah because I thought it was a particularly virile state. I went to visit my friends, who despite being active in their church and local government and appearing to be responsible family men, will still giggle when they fart.
It was just what I needed.
We talked of zoning laws, death penalties, proper sidewalk construction, neutering sex offenders, basketball, dogs, 401Ks, and guns. We worried and bragged about our kids, and towed a Ford out of the mud. We went to a sports bar and watched Olympics and basketball. We insulted each other and nobody cried. We even went to Cabelas, the mansion of manliness, and shopped for sleeping bags, water filters, camp stoves, and guns. I held rifles, pistols and shot guns and was having a nice time until Todd told them I was a Democrat and they asked me to leave.
And we shot guns...
I believe in sensible gun control laws and I believe that some people have crossed the line of sanity on the subject, but I have to admit that it feels good to watch clay targets explode when you shoot them. BOOM! It feels...well it feels...manly! BOOM! with every shot, I could picture myself protecting my family from the zombie hordes trying to get into my house. BOOM! Everytime I pulled the trigger I felt a little dose of testosterone enter my body. It feels good...
I think I can hold off Dancing With the Stars for another season.
Thanks Todd and Troy!
I interact with women all day. My boss is a woman, most of my co-workers are women, my best friends locally are women, I ski with women, and I date women. I drive a mini-van. I own a bichon frise. I'm polite, empathetic, politically correct, and refrain from loud belching. I recycle, keep a clean house, and watch American Idol.
A couple of weeks ago, I looked in the mirror and wondered if I should be moisturizing when I realized that an immediate trip to Utah was necessary to keep me from adding "Dancing With the Stars" to my list of must see TV.
I didn't head to Utah because I thought it was a particularly virile state. I went to visit my friends, who despite being active in their church and local government and appearing to be responsible family men, will still giggle when they fart.
It was just what I needed.
We talked of zoning laws, death penalties, proper sidewalk construction, neutering sex offenders, basketball, dogs, 401Ks, and guns. We worried and bragged about our kids, and towed a Ford out of the mud. We went to a sports bar and watched Olympics and basketball. We insulted each other and nobody cried. We even went to Cabelas, the mansion of manliness, and shopped for sleeping bags, water filters, camp stoves, and guns. I held rifles, pistols and shot guns and was having a nice time until Todd told them I was a Democrat and they asked me to leave.
And we shot guns...
I believe in sensible gun control laws and I believe that some people have crossed the line of sanity on the subject, but I have to admit that it feels good to watch clay targets explode when you shoot them. BOOM! It feels...well it feels...manly! BOOM! with every shot, I could picture myself protecting my family from the zombie hordes trying to get into my house. BOOM! Everytime I pulled the trigger I felt a little dose of testosterone enter my body. It feels good...
I think I can hold off Dancing With the Stars for another season.
Thanks Todd and Troy!
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Bad Blogger...
...bad, bad, blogger! You've let 2 months go by without writing a word! Now sit your butt down at the keyboard and write something! It doesn't have to be profound. It doesn't have to be funny. But you started this blog because you like to write...so WRITE!
Ok,Ok, I'm writing! Get off my back! I was lazy, I admit it. There were thoughts in my head and things to write about but I'd sit down and thing "Bleehhh" maybe later. To tell you the truth, one of the obstacles holding me up is my audience. If your mother, daughter, ex-wife, neighbor, boss, cousin, best friends, and girl friends can all peak into your head it definitely limits the topics you can talk about. And the people that are in your life tend to be characters in the stories of your life, so you have to be careful not to upset anyone who thought that certain story would remain anonymous. See the problem?? There are stories I share with my friends that I sure don't want my kids to know about and there are incidents at work that I'd just as soon keep from my boss. If I praise a former relationship, that might not be appreciated by a future relationship. But if I stick with happy stories that are suitable for everyone, then I end up with forgettable Hallmark cards.
I'll work on it. Any advice would be appreciated.
Ok,Ok, I'm writing! Get off my back! I was lazy, I admit it. There were thoughts in my head and things to write about but I'd sit down and thing "Bleehhh" maybe later. To tell you the truth, one of the obstacles holding me up is my audience. If your mother, daughter, ex-wife, neighbor, boss, cousin, best friends, and girl friends can all peak into your head it definitely limits the topics you can talk about. And the people that are in your life tend to be characters in the stories of your life, so you have to be careful not to upset anyone who thought that certain story would remain anonymous. See the problem?? There are stories I share with my friends that I sure don't want my kids to know about and there are incidents at work that I'd just as soon keep from my boss. If I praise a former relationship, that might not be appreciated by a future relationship. But if I stick with happy stories that are suitable for everyone, then I end up with forgettable Hallmark cards.
I'll work on it. Any advice would be appreciated.
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