Confessions

My brother, Rick, had a seizure last year. He never had one before but he's had another since. The brain is a mysterious organ. It's studied and studied but basically we still don't know how the brain works. It's magic! The doctors don't know why he had seizures but they took away his drivers license and put him on drugs. Sorry Rick, that sucks. They also asked him a series of questions about the health history of his head. This is where my confession is relevant.

I was an older brother. It was my birthright to tease, taunt and torture. I'm sorry.

When Rick was 3 years old and I was 5, Grandpa was taking us, along with our cousins for a walk on his farm. I was 5, but I remember this very clearly. Rick (Ricky then) was riding on grandpa's shoulders while the rest of us walked. Ricky was cute. He called himself Ricky Rocker and he made people laugh. I was jealous. I wanted to be on Grandpa's shoulders. I wanted to make him laugh. Grandpa put Rick down after awhile and I called him over to look at a bug on the ground.

"Look closer:. I said.

Then I picked up the biggest rock I could lift and I dropped it on his head.

Ricky was hurt and he cried. I got in trouble. I loved him and I couldn't explain why I dropped a rock on my brother's head. 40 years later, I still remember the rock, the place, the emotions and the guilt. Sorry Rick.

34 years ago we were at family day for Rick's boy scout troop. Rick and his friends were down in a ravine while me and some older kids were up above. I don't remember the details or who started the rock throwing but we ended up throwing rocks at our siblings down below. We couldn't really see them but we knew roughly where they were and thought their screams were hilarious. Rick was hit with a rock and knocked out. Not sure if the rock came from my hand or not. I do remember lieing my ass off and telling our parents that we had no idea that people were down there. We were just throwing rocks in a ravine, we said. Sorry Rick.

I'll also apologize for the knife wound in his foot but I'm sure that didn't have anything to do with his seizures. Right? There...I feel better now. How about you, Rick?