The triathlon is a display of human endurance, mettle and triumph. With serious and proper training you will be able to achieve your personal best and become one of the truly elite in the sports world.
One of the elite of the sports world. Ahhhh...yes. That is quite a title and is why "completing a triathlon" ended up on my bucket list 20 years ago. But I can't swim. Drop me in a lake and I can probably stay alive for 30 minutes but I would never make it to shore. So as far triathlons go, I always figured it'd be something I left unchecked in the end.
But last year, Todd Barney completed a triathlon. Todd Barney Can't Swim. That is a fact. In 1985 I watched him nearly drown in 4 feet of water while I cruelly withheld the information that he could stand up if he put his feet down. And now he was one of the sporting elite??? I couldn't let this go unchallenged and that was enough motivation for me to commit to completing one in 2008.
You see, Todd didn't actually swim...he floated. The Spudman Triathlon in Burley Idaho, starts in the Snake River with a 3mph current. If you can just keep your head above water for 30 minutes, you'll eventually finish the mile in the water. I can do that!
As a gift to future first time triathletes, I have decided to share my complete training regimine.
January
Register for the race. Not as simple as it sounds. The race is popular and fills up within minutes. But with determination, superior internet skills and lightening quick reflexes, I grabbed a spot. Decided to take the rest of the month off.
February
Work on a training schedule, research gym memberships, browse triathlon websites.
March
Buy new running shoes. Promise self to start running...soon.
April
Look through want ads for used wet suits. Solicit advice from fellow elite athletes. Plan trip to Utah to train with friends. Trash talk and taunt those friends. Run 2 miles three times. Promise self to run more.
May
Plan frequent running dates with new neighbor. Actually follow through on one of those dates. Run 6 other days on my own for a total of 13 miles. Spend 30 minutes on a life cycle 5 times. I drive all the way to Utah for a 12 mile ride followed within 3 minutes by a 3 mile run. I cannot complete the run. Tell friends that that was just the motivation I needed to get serious about my training.
June
Book flight to Utah for race. Promise to get serious about training. Tell many people that I am doing a triathlon this summer.
July
Rent wetsuit. Run twice. Bike twice. Convice myself that the race is more mental than physical. Convince myself that "muscle memory" from thousands of miles of training in my youth will kick in and save me. Practice putting on and taking off wetsuit. Tell lots more people that I am doing a triathlon. I decide to take it easy the week before the race. I don't want to wear myself out.
August
Tell lots of people that I did a triathlon. Add "triathlete" to business cards. Change my will to make sure that my elite athlete status is reflected on my headstone.
Now I'm not saying that this is the way that most elite athletes train. It is just a simple training diary that you may or may not want to follow.
1 comment:
I thought your blog was dead. I am so glad you just changed the name. I will refer to you from now on as Jim the Triathlete. You deserve it.
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